Let's Gather 'Round the Campfire and Sing Our Campfire Song

[employeeoftheyear]

[Well last week Spongebob decided that the Wizard was nothing but a big fucker and everything was all his fault so he is going to kick his "Boost the moral of his friends" scheme into overdrive to rub it in the Wizard's stupid face.

Around the school on Monday, there will be Spongebob's huge mass of fliers again, this time for some sort of camp out.]


Spongebob Squarepants Crazy Camping Party!!!
Come to the edge of the forest on Monday at 5 pm for a whole night of roasting marshmallows, telling Spoooooky stories, and sleeping under the stars!
Don't worry if it rains, we can always bring the camp inside!

Attendance is MANDATORY!!! I will come find you if you don't attend.

[And he absolutely means it.

Even though there are no stars, it's a comfortable evening with no real signs of rain, and Spongebob's managed to set up a cozy Spongebob set out a bunch of blankets, towels, and pillows around a cozy campfire. There are plenty of food you'd normally see at a camp out, including smores! Spongebob seems to have gone all out and brought in practically every kind of candy from the kitchen, so have fun with the sugar rush!]

Comments

[fourbutts]

[ Janis is way less difficult to pull out here than one might think, considering her relatively sub-par mood recently! She's from Chicago (or New York, depending on which part of her you consider real), and as such sleeping outside is a novelty!

So for a while she can be found roasting marshmallows, just... one after another. Pounding those fuckers. Hell yeah.

Will Graham is, of course, here to supervise. He is now dyed entirely blue.

But then. Then scary stories happens. And somehow, in her gut, both as a narrator and as an edgy teen, she knows what she has to do.

cw: death, dismemberment, parental abuse ]

This happened at a school one of my friends goes to, just... hear me out.

Sara Berry was a popular bitch.
Hot bod, hot boy, cheer captain, plus she was rich.
That girl had everything till hiccup and hitch:
Julie Jenkins lost a leg in a wreck. (Am—pu—ta—ted)
The nominations for Prom Royalty came
Our Sara's Senior Year, and Queen was her claim—
Till gossip stirred the student body would name
Julie Jenkins, Queen of the Prom.

[ She gets. Very into it. Turns out the narrator is good at scary stories! ]

"Sara, " her father said, "Life is a Prom.
I know you won't disappoint me and Mom...?"
You taste the silver, Sara! You taste the crown.
You thirst for blood from the roses in hand.
You spoil for sash and scepter, music to dance,
As they crown you Queen of High School Land.

So obsessed, our Sara near lost her mind.
To life un-Prom-related, Sara was blind;
She shoved her squad, her clique and boyfriend behind—
Still one-leg Julie held to the lead.
Soon Sara's sanity was hung by a thread,
Her B.F.F.'s proclaimed her socially dead,
Till then, at last, her boyfriend texted and said:
"I'm taking Julie to the senior Prom."

"Sara, " her father said, "Why be so calm?
There's just no future for a Princess at Prom..."
You taste the silver, Sara! You taste the crown.
You thirst for blood from the roses in hand.
You spoil for sash and scepter, music to dance,
As they crown you Queen of High School Land.
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!
Down on your knees before the Queen.
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!
Down on your knees before the Queen.

Some girls are rational but Sara was not
She stared in mirrors thinking one single thought:
There's seven reasons this crown's not good as got—
And so the night of Prom, mercy! Thus went her plot:
"P" is for Patricia, drinking poisoned punch.
"R" is for Raquel, dashed on a rock (crunch)
"O" is what Anne said when Sara bludgeoned her brains
And "M" is Marianna's marinated remains.
But! But!
"Q" is for Quiara, quiet, drowned in the pool.
"U" is for Eunice's pieces spread round the school
But "E's" are for the easy way in five minutes tops
A one-legg'd girl can bring an "N" for end by calling the cops.

You got your silver Sara, you got your crown
You got their blood on your roses in hand
You donned the sash and scepter, doing a dance,
As you crowned you Queen of High School Land!
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!
God save the Queen...
Down on your knees before the Queen.
God save the Queen.
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Oh, Oh!
The Queen of High School Land.
Down on your knees before the Queen.
The Queen of High School Land.

They wrapped your wrists in silver, they took your crown
As they washed your bloody fingers and hands.
Into a tight straitjacket, small padded cell,
As you screamed, "I'm Queen of High School Land!"
At least in your head, you're Queen of High School Land
Pity the dead! You're Queen of High School Land.

[ Then she sort of. Coughs. Clears her throat. ]

Or at least, that's what I heard.

[brokeforgood]

[Farrah listens to the whole story. Maybe it's something she should be unsettled by, given, you know-- her background.

But by the end, she's clapping, and she sits up taller in her seat.]

That's pretty good. But if you want to make it even scarier, it's not a popular girl at all. It's some loser who became cheer captain just because no one else ran.

I call my edit RIP The Worst Team Ever.

[fourbutts]

What? Have you ever met a Sara Berry? They're fucking terrifying.

[ But! She gestures. ]

If you want to build on it, though, by all means, lay it on me.

[brokeforgood]

Not really. Private schools are like--- There's not much room for a Sara Berry, because everyone is fabulously wealthy, except for like. The scholarship kids. I guess I knew a few back in elementary, but at Corey Giles High, everyone's a fucking reject in some way.

Still manage the murdering, though.

[fourbutts]

[ She whistles. ]

Sounds more like everyone's a fucking Sara Berry, Jesus.

[brokeforgood]

Oh, yeah.

Christian Sara Berry, College Admissions Essay Sara Berry, Olympic Sara Berry...

[mayavericks]

[Yeah, uh. Maya is practically in Janis's lap at the start of the story. By the end? She's as far from Janis as possible, practically tucking into the woods to hide.]

[fourbutts]

[ OH... GOODBYE.....

After conversation turns, Janis comes over. ]

Sorry, I uh... tried to avoid ghosts for you.

[mayavericks]

Oh, I'm not --

[Maya's skin reddens.]

You're fine. I was just getting some air. The fire was too warm is all.

[fourbutts]

[ She puts her hands up. ]

Alright, alright, for sure. You feeling cooled down? I miss you over there.

[mayavericks]

[She glances at the fire. And then at Janis.]

Are they... Still telling stories?

[feudalladyshandmaid]

[Cassandra had listened to the story, not expecting anything too scary. After all, she's been on some pretty horrific adventures. What's a little story, right?

Well, uh. She might not be scared, necessarily, but Cassandra sure is looking at Janis with a vested interest as that story comes to a close.]

...Whoa. So, high school isn't actually like that, is it?

[fourbutts]

[ Janis wiggles her fingers: ]

Whoooooo can sayyyyy?

[ But then she shakes her head. ]

The real most exciting thing that's happened at a dance at my school is that a DJ got, like, slightly electrocuted at Homecoming last year.

[feudalladyshandmaid]

[For a second, Cass expects something terrible for some reason. Probably because that's just how it always is.]

Well, that's... kind of exciting? Probably good that it's not a murder spree.

[fourbutts]

Yeah, Regina George is thankfully at least a couple major traumatizing incidents away from a murder spree yet.

[feudalladyshandmaid]

[Well, that's a name.]

This Regina George person sounds like a piece of work already.

[comeandfindme]

[ After a long, long pause: ]

Schools in the city are fucking weird.

[fourbutts]

That is a fair comment, though I think the vibe is more suburb.

[comeandfindme]

There's less than a hundred people at my school, Janis, anything is the city to me.

[fourbutts]

I am, for many reasons, very grateful that isn't the situation where I grew up, but wow.

[ they would have had to Fucking Move. ]

Guess you guys would mostly get like... your garden variety slasher, then. Big scary dude in a mask on the edge of town or whatever.

Scary Story

[employeeoftheyear]

[Spongebob listens to the story in absolute horror. By the end he's practically in a cocoon of blankets, staring at Janis in wide-eyed terror.]

D... did that really happen?

[fourbutts]

[ Janis sort of. Opens her mouth. Closes it. She ponders a moment. ]

I'll tell you if you want, but I'm going to have to whisper it to you.

[employeeoftheyear]

[Spongebob freezes, genuinely unsure how to answer it.

After a moment of deep deliberation, he nods.]

I... I can take it. I'm an adult.

1/2

[fourbutts]

[ Janis leans in, making a show of it. She puts on a distinctive voice and stage-whispers: ]

The story of Sara Berry is...

2/2

[fourbutts]

[ She leans in and actually whispers: ]

Totally made up, but don't tell anyone.