We Only Have Tomorrow

[employeeoftheyear]

[True to his word, on 6pm Thursday Spongebob has the party at the library set up and ready to go! It's filled with cute handmade decorations, snacks, and cobbled together games! Even with all the help he accepted, it's very clear that this was a passion project for Spongebob.

Taped around the library is a set of rules, and frankly there were a Lot of rule fliers around the library.]

RULES
1. Bring your own food and games! The more fun the better!
2. Stay as long as you want! We can make it a sleepover!
3. ABSOLUTELY NO MURDERING
4. Have fun! 💗💗💗💗💗

[Luckily for those who are aware of the cartoon, the party doesn't seem nearly as micromanaged as it could have been mostly because this party is more in a desperate attempt to keep everyone alive than anything else so have as much fun as you can before tomorrow!]

Comments

[yourattention]

[He makes a noncommital noise as he continues painting B's nails.]

I mean, I think aside from... Lincoln and JFK? Regular people probably don't remember that much. I mean, only Lincoln has a geeky song written about his assassination.

[He hums for a moment before singing:]

He's a tyrant and a crook if you just take a closer look
You can see the lies just dripping from his mouth
He suffocated half the land with his long and bony hand
and he doesn't give a damn about the south

[tellthestory]

[The Balladeer listens with his head cocked. Yes...yes, he gets this one, and he goes on:]

He robbed us all of house and home,
Then he left us all alone.
It is obvious the deed that must be done.
He can't be trusted with the power,
And now the clock has struck the hour,
I act on the behalf of everyone.

And I'll liberate my country,
Unseat the despot,
The old rule will vanish.
I will turn the page of history.
We'll get a new start —

Ugh, that all sounds right. That guy's the worst. He never shuts up about how he's just like Brutus from Shakespeare, the most noble guy who ever walked the earth, also the greatest actor who ever lived, FYI.

[Yes, he was imitating Booth's voice there - he does a great Southern accent, actually! And wow, no one here has ever heard him get this bitchy about anybody ever.]

[yourattention]

[Connor laughs, more of a startled sound than anything. Thankfully he was dipping the brush back in the bottle and not, like, painting B's nails.]

I'm, like, not surprised? He just seems like a guy who'd be the worst if you ever met him in person. I need your other hand real quick. [He lets go of B's hand and motions for the other one.] Is he the worst one? Which presidential assassinator is the most obnoxious?

[tellthestory]

Oh, I hate him the most.

[He gives Connor his other hand, withdrawing the one with painted nails to look them over.]

Charlie can be obnoxious - Charlie Guiteau? But he's mostly affable about it, unless you set him off. Sara Jane is annoying, Squeaky talks about Charles Manson constantly...I don't actually like any of them, really.

[yourattention]

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that presidential assassinators are kind of obnoxious but somehow... I dunno. Disappointing, I guess?

[The nails are, like, obsessively neat. His own nails, aside from being slightly chipped from running around after a hundred apples earlier, are also near perfect.]

Like you want to believe some of them had noble reasons or whatever, eat the fucking rich and all, but alas. They're as mortal and awful as the rest of us.

[tellthestory]

Eat the rich...?

[He's not really familiar with memes.]

Leon talks like that. Czolgosz. But I don't really - he could've got involved with one of those activist groups he liked. He could've done anything. I'm no fan of William McKinley, but shooting the guy sure didn't help the labor movement.