OVERTURE

[stagemanagers]

You wake up, and realize you don’t remember how you got here.

This bed is soft and warm, but it’s certainly not yours. And the room is unfamiliar - unless perhaps you’re an actor, seeing as it looks almost exactly like every dressing room in the world. It's not quite large enough to fit the bed and trunk comfortably alongside the vanity, but it what it lacks in open space, it makes up for in coziness. This could be something you’ve seen in a movie, or dreamed about experiencing one day. But whatever the case, you aren’t supposed to be here.

There’s a silver key resting on your vanity, along with a thin program booklet. The cover - where the name of the show would usually be - is blank, but if you flip through it, you’ll find some startlingly familiar information. Maybe a few familiar faces as well…

The hallway outside is narrow and poorly-lit, lined with star-studded doors. But if you make your way past them and out into the lobby, you’ll find something entirely different: an elegant, refined opera house. Crystal chandeliers glitter overhead, and the red carpet is perfect for putting on a show. A large clock on the northern wall marks the time, though with the windows shuttered and locked it's difficult to tell whether it's morning or night. There’s also some framed information pinned up that you might find helpful. If you explore further into the adjoining wings, in fact, you'll see there's an identical copy in every room.

There’s also two sets of double-doors in the lobby: one leading back the way you came, deeper into the Opera House, and one leading out. For the moment, neither of them will open.

It looks like you’re stuck. But hey - at least you aren’t alone.

Comments

[blackstache]

[the only reason to kidnap someone for a murdergame, of course]

The whole nonsense about "shows" and "actors" within the booklet have my interest piqued. Though, the likelihood of that being the reason we're here seems a bit slim.

[catliketread]

It sounds more like they've decided to replace us with actors. Not like an actor could portray me!

[blackstache]

Oh, the very thought of replacing me is absurd. They'd have nothing to gain, aside from my good looks.

[catliketread]

Well yes, there's no denying that. [thanks, pk] But what would be the point in going to all this trouble and keeping us somewhere so nice?

[blackstache]

Surely, they have grand intentions. I would wager whatever they have planned is somewhere between a lavish affair or something far more sinister.

[catliketread]

The former would be nice. The latter's more likely, probably.

[As amazing and wonderful as he is... he's probably not going to be kidnapped to any fancy parties where you're not allowed to leave by climbing out a window. So.]

[blackstache]

Then we must assume the worst, my dear boy, and prepare ourselves for any unexpected surprises from whoever has brought us all together.

[catliketread]

...Boy.

[But. But he's a man!!! HE IS THE PIRATE KING—]

Well, yes, that certainly is something we need to keep in mind. I've no doubts that our... [a pause] captors have some specific reason for choosing us to bring here, but I've no idea what it could be yet.

[Critical thinking isn't really his strong suit. Who needs that!!]

[blackstache]

Well, no doubt that they have selected some lucky individuals, if they have chosen Captain Hook to be amongst their ranks.

[a sneer, as he completely ignores the pirate king's obvious misgivings with "boy"]

Oh, don't worry, I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.

[catliketread]

A captain...

[looks him up and down]

You don't look like you're with the navy.

[like, not at all]

[blackstache]

I am a pirate, my dear boy.

[welp]

[catliketread]

Ah, indeed! You do have the look of a pirate about you, I ought to have guessed!

[He gives a sweeping bow then (it's a proper one, surprisingly) before straightening up and resting a hand on his chest.]

As I am, my good man! I am the Pirate King! And you are...?

[blackstache]

[...]

The Pirate King.

[he says it slowly and deliberately, taking in each word.]

[catliketread]

The Pirate King!

[POSE]

[blackstache]

I did not know such a title existed. Incredibly regal. It must be highly-sought after.

[hook no]

[catliketread]

I have yet to have any other pirates attempt to claim the title, but the majority of pirates I have dealings with are my own crew. They are not the sort to stab me in the back for a title - or a leadership position - so I've yet to have any sort of trouble!

[...where are the other pirates in this musical??? WHO KNOWS]

[blackstache]

I see.

[hook]

I shall be commandeering your title from you now.

[catliketread]

...You're joking, aren't you?

[w o w]

[blackstache]

I most certainly am not.

[hook please]

Who was Bluebeard? Nobody. Who was Nero? Nobody. Who was Jack the Ripper? All nobody villains when put up against the great Captain James Hook, the slimiest sleaze on the seven seas! The man who has earned that title.

[catliketread]

[ ]

Why would you want to be known as a slimy sleaze? That's hardly a way to make a name for yourself! If you want to be a pirate king so badly, simply make the title your own!

[PLEASE PICK A BETTER TITLE FOR YOURSELF, SIR...]

[blackstache]

I intend to. By stealing your title.

[hook pls]

[catliketread]

No. No, no, no, that simply won't do! You see, my title isn't just a title, but my identity. My name. My being. I simply cannot allow you to take that from me.

[my face is buried in my hands]

[blackstache]

Then prove it. Prove you are worthy of that title. That you are more worthy than the great Captain Hook, hm? Might be good for a laugh, boy.

[catliketread]

And how would you have me prove it? My sword is nowhere to be found!

[...and slightly more pressingly—]

I am no boy, Captain! I've long since passed my twenty-first birthday; I am a man!

ya'll like jesus christ superstar, right

[blackstache]

Oh, boo hoo! He's whining about being called boy, when he most certainly does not carry himself like a man! There is nothing but bad form here! He's missing his sword, he's missing his spirit, he's certainly done nothing to justify the title! He's no pirate king, he's nothing but the king of a great fat ruse! He's nothing compared to I, Captain Hook, the true pirate king!

[The melody comes in slow at first, with a gentle piano to underscore the tension.]

Of course, everybody deserves a fair shot! So, hit me with it!

Mr. King, I am overjoyed
To meet you face to face
You say you have quite a name
All around the place

Master of the seas
Sailing 'round like a bloke
An impressive reputation...
Unless it's all a joke~

[The music suddenly becomes bouncy, as Captain Hook dances about, singing and taunting.]

So you are the King
You're the great Pirate King
Show me what great pirates do
Let's see how you lead your crew

That's all you need do
And I'll concede to you
C'mon, king of this ruse

Kingy, you just won't believe
The hit you've made around here
You are all I think about
You are the wonder of the year

Oh, what a pity
If it's all a lie
Still I'm sure that you can rock
The cynics if you try

So you are the King
You're the great Pirate King
Don't leave me chomping at the bit
Unless you wanna up and quit

If you prove you're all that
Then I'll eat my own hat
C'mon, king of this ruse

I only ask what I'd ask any superstar
What is it that you have got
That puts you where you are?

I am waiting, yes, I'm a captive fan
I'm dying to be shown
That you are not just any man

So if you are the King
Yes, the great Pirate King
Prove your title, draw your sword

Or else you'll leave me rather bored
Or has something gone wrong?
Why do you take so long?
Come on, king of this ruse

Hey, aren't you scared of me, King?
Mr. False Pirate King
You're a joke, you're a buffoon
It's my title and you're a goon

Just go away
You've got nothing to say
Get out, you king of the,
Get out, you king of the,
Get out, you king of this ruse

You, the pirate king? Hah! You're going to have do better than that, boy!