itscurtains | Week Six

Entry tags:

act 3,
week 6

Week Six

[Last week, in It's Curtains, the weather changed, and with it your fortune in Dads. Discord took Salieri out - or perhaps Salieri took Discord out - and left the survivors with that much less impulse control. Nonetheless, a visit from a new friend might have provided a little bit of much-needed hope?

On Sunday morning, you'll find that the other side of the second floor has opened up - as well as the actual intended path to reach the roof garden. You can finally stop climbing up that rope every time you want to have a picnic or secret lover's rendezvous!

Outside, the weather seems to have calmed down. It's sunny again, with rather a lot of clouds. Though it's warm, the atmosphere seems very...still.]

Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday

(( Be sure to submit your memory regain and your AC for this week! As always, Hester's office hours and the merch booth remain available. ))

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[ Peregrine's here later in the day. She's looking a little better, somewhat. A little more color to her. Still, she's here to get something...something for a headache, maybe. That's probably what's ailing her.

She hears Spongebob laugh and mention Salieri and she stops in the doorway. ]

He's not here.

[ She'd hoped that he would be in his bunk. ]

[The initial disappointment of being told that the vision he was wasn't actually there is replaced by the horror when he realizes that it's Per.

He remembers Per being scared that he would leave her, how he kept trying to reassure her that it won't be by choice if he leaves her.

How he was a horrible hypocrite.]

Per-- I'm so sorry about this morning. I-I really wasn't thinking straight, but what I did was horrible and understand if you hate me for it.

[ Her normally intense stare is just icy. She storms in, turning her attention from him to the shelves. She should’ve taken stock this week. Of course it was the week they really needed it. Of course she let everyone down like this.

Her jaw’s tight as she rummages. ]

You’re sorry. [ ”I was already gone.” ] Were you thinking of being sorry on Sunday? Was it already your plan?

[The words stab him like a knife. A part of him feels like he shouldn't be surprised.

He's done a horrible job keeping them all together so far, why would this time be any different.]

Per it was a split second decision. If I wasn't so sick, I would have known better, I really would have.

Edited 2021-07-08 04:28 (UTC)

A split decision, for both of you? You were just out, drinking, driving— you don't just have thoughts like that without them already being there.

[ Her words are rough and harsh. She knows this. But— ]

So were you already thinking about it?

I-I don't know! Farrah was talking about how she wanted to end it and how there was nothing I could do to save her and the wine was making it hard to think and I--

I... I don't know if I was more scared that if I left she would kill herself or more afraid that I was right the whole time. That I can't keep my family together and that they would all die and leave me.

... I thought for sure that my only options were dying alone and scared, or dying with someone I loved.

[ And Peregrine turns around, face flushed with fever and rage. ]

You think you're the only person who's afraid of dying alone?! You think I haven't thought about that every day? Every second?! That you're all...gonna die, or leave me, or both, and I'll have to watch.

[ She can feel the weight of Howl standing behind her. She knows he isn't there. "I was already gone." Her eyes burn again, burn with tears she can't hold back. ]

Farrah said she wanted to die. And you just helped her. She's supposed to be your sister, isn't she?

Older brothers are supposed to be there for their little sisters! [ If Jacob's not there to remind me, "Come and find me—" ] When someone says that...that that's what they're worried about— you're supposed to help them! You're supposed to help get them through!

[Spongebob feels himself fall into a voice when Peregrine yells at him.

He was right, he was always right about him.

Shakily, Spongebob gets to his feet and looks at Peregrine with pure hopelessness in his eyes.]

Do you think I've been helping at all this whole time? Per, you of all people know that I've been nothing but useless since Day 1! Nothing I did helped! All I got for my efforts were people dying around me while all my friends assured me that I was doing something!

But it never did anything. None of the parties, none of my encouragement. People kept dying.

I can't save my dads, I can't save my sister, I can't save my friends, I can't save anyone.

And I know what I did was terrible! The moment my mind started clearing it hit me that I put Farrah in danger

But you can't look me in the eye and tell me that you ever needed me on this team. And this is proof that you are all better off without me.

[He takes a deep breath from rambling, before looking away at Peregrine.]

It would have been better for everyone if I died in that car crash

No. No you do not get— [ She feels herself bristle. ] To try and say— you don't get to use what I say to- to justify this! Not again! Not like he did!!

[ "What if he made a choice?"
"What do you mean — to die?"
"Or to leave."
"Like he chose to abandon us?"

Peregrine isn't making sense. She can hear Howl's footsteps behind her, retreating, and she wants to tell him, even though he's not real not to leave her again. ]

You fucked up and- and you have to live with it!!

[ "Y'know, I'm the one who made him go out there so—"
"You didn't make anyone do anything.
"But I did. Brett, I did. This was my idea, right?" ]

You don't get to run away, okay?!

[He stops, just for a moment. "Get to use what I say", "Not again", "Not like he did"? He may be childish, and in his mind pretty useless to the team, but he wasn't a complete moron.]

Per... what are you talking about? Who's "he"?

[He's pretty sure she can't be talking about Mr. Salieri; he took it a lot worse than she did.]

[ "This was my idea—"

Peregrine roughly rubs at her eyes and turns away. Of course, when she does, the illusion of Howl is gone. Just like before, just like last night. ]

It doesn't help! [ Her voice breaks. ] I'm n- not— I'm not gonna- You're gonna tell me— Awful things about him! I know! I know he- Howl shoulda taken care of himself— he shoulda known...h-how the snow was gonna fall. I know he chose t-to— to l- leave me— but he was still— he was still my dad! I still loved him!

[ She's not making sense. She's not making sense. She's just doing that thing she does, she's just talking and letting it all spill out. She's holding herself tightly, and not even her cloak can make her feel warm. ]

I was happy... He didn't— y-you- don't get...to tell me...if I'm better off without you.

[For awhile Spongebob's just... stunned. Perhaps a selfish part of him is happy that this doesn't just seem to be about him, but he's mostly worried. Per always seemed so strong, so confident in herself, and to see her like this was almost humanizing. Not that he didn't see her as a human before (metaphorically), but that he really wasn't alone in, well, feeling alone.

A small, quiet voice speaks in the back of his mind as he watches her meltdown in front of him.

You never give up! When I was ready to bail on y'all, you kept me going.

Maybe Sandy was wrong about him. Maybe he did give up once.

But he doesn't want to give up any more.

He approaches her, cautiously, making sure Per can at least see him out of her peripheral.

And then he pulls her into a tight hug, as tight as he can with one arm.]

I love you, Per. I really do.

[ Gone. Gone, they're all gone, they're all going to leave her—

An arm wraps around her. Just the one. She'd helped set the other. It's grounding, and it makes the world stop spinning for a moment.

It keeps her upright, despite how she trembles.

Peregrine very greedily grabs at that one arm. She's taller than Spongebob, so this is kind of weird—but she doesn't stop it, nevertheless. She just sobs, raw and open. ]

Don't go. Please- don't- don't leave me again.

[Spongebob cries along with her. His broken arm is yelling at him in pain but he doesn't care, he has more important things to worry about.

This was his family. Maybe all the family he has left. He needs to be there for them.

He gently rubs her back in a soothing movement, like ones his mother gave him when he came home from school crying as a kid. He hoped it provided a similar reassuring gesture that it did for him all those years ago.]

I promise. I promise I won't let you down ever again, or leave you.

You can't! You can't, please—!

[ She's so angry, still, so mad—but she cries and nods, wailing like a little kid. She's tried so hard to push herself these last two years. To grow up, to be self-sufficient, because—

Because in the end no one can really come and find you, when you're somewhere left for dead.

But...that's not true, is it? Not really? Lexy found her.

...They'd found Spongebob and Farrah, before it was too late.

So. Maybe, for right now, for a little bit, she can let herself be a kid, hugging tight to one of her friends who made a mistake—but who she loves anyway. ]

[They stand like this, for awhile. Spongebob doesn't have much to say, for once. He's just a scared and hurt kid and he knows Per is scared and hurt too. And sometimes all you can do is be there for each other.

How selfish must he have been, to forget that his motto in life is that it doesn't matter how bad things are as long as you have friends.

Even if the friends leave, you still have their memories, their laughter, the times where you had so much fun that you forgot the situation you're in.

Eventually, Spongebob breaks the hug, a little, and looks Peregrine straight in the eyes.]

... I'm sorry, Per, I think I lied to you.

I'm glad I didn't die in that car crash.

[ But what if right now, with loved ones around,
We decided to let some light in?
We'd be stronger the next time a blizzard begins...

She'll let herself believe it. She'll let herself accept it. At least for right now.

A surprised almost-laugh breaks from her lips and she puts both hands on Spongebob's shoulders. ]

Yeah, you fucking better be, okay?

[He laughs, lightly, before he suddenly remembers something.]

Oh, I'm sorry Per, I distracted you from whatever you were gonna get. What was it anyway?

[He's just going to

Try to look for it

Yes he knows he was the one in the car crash but he doesn't care right now.

He wants to make sure Per continues to know that he cares for her.]

[ He starts to move around and Peregrine grabs his good arm to keep him back. The other arm wipes across her face to try and dry it. ]

Stop- no, it's fine. I'm just...trying to get rid of a headache.

[That gets him to stop, but he still looks over at Peregrine in concern.]

... If you're not feeling well, you can rest here with me. We don't gotta talk or anything, we could just...

We can just make sure that we're not alone.

[ She's about to say no, she's fine, but she braces herself on the counter. ]

...That...might be a good idea, I think. ...I don't...really wanna be alone.

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Week Six

nurse's office

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cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk, drinking and driving talk

cw: suicide talk, drinking and driving talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide idealation

cw: suicide ideation

cw: suicide ideation

cw: suicide ideation

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