itscurtains | Week Six

Entry tags:

act 3,
week 6

Week Six

[Last week, in It's Curtains, the weather changed, and with it your fortune in Dads. Discord took Salieri out - or perhaps Salieri took Discord out - and left the survivors with that much less impulse control. Nonetheless, a visit from a new friend might have provided a little bit of much-needed hope?

On Sunday morning, you'll find that the other side of the second floor has opened up - as well as the actual intended path to reach the roof garden. You can finally stop climbing up that rope every time you want to have a picnic or secret lover's rendezvous!

Outside, the weather seems to have calmed down. It's sunny again, with rather a lot of clouds. Though it's warm, the atmosphere seems very...still.]

Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday

(( Be sure to submit your memory regain and your AC for this week! As always, Hester's office hours and the merch booth remain available. ))

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[When Farrah comes back to Ambassador that night, Benjamin is sitting on the side of his bed, holding a photograph in his trembling hands. It isn't the brass-framed ambrotype of his wife and baby daughter, but a plain, photo paper print-out.

When she comes in, he lets it hang between his knees from one hand, the other coming up to run through his hair.

He's been thinking about what to say to her all evening. He deserves to be hated. He isn't fit to be a comfort to anyone, he's a monster. A butcher. A murderer.

But Farrah has lost...almost everyone. Her life back home, and the family she's made here. He sees himself in her anger, now, his thirst for vengeance in her fury, his emptiness in hers, and it echoes sickeningly inside of him. He can't abandon her outright, either. Even if it is for her own good.

She's almost more his own daughter than Johanna. And he needs to get her away from him before she follows his path to hell.]

...You're sure you don't want to find somewhere else to sleep? I bet Spongebob would appreciate the company.

[Farrah can tell something’s off when she enters the room. She’s almost hyperaware of it, the memory of Riley’s most awkward sleepover ever fresh on her mind. It wasn’t necessarily a bad memory—- not in comparison to the others she’s had, but it does remind her what it’s like to feel constantly concerned about what everyone else in the room is thinking. Salieri had freed her from that worry, and with him gone, she’s learning to fear it again.

She can’t quite place her finger on what exactly is wrong, though, as she joins him on the side of the bed, and starts to undo one half of her braids.]

I’m sure. I want to stay here. Unless… [She hesitates, thinking about herself again. What a burden she must be, a cursed girl who was dooming everyone around her, a hopeless loser girl who no one understands no one—-

She reaches across the bed, then sets Milky White on her lap. She lets the soft toy fill her with courage. Tries to use that courage to hide the fear and sorrow in her voice. Fails.]

Do you—- want me to go?

No.

[That answer is quick and decisive and honest, at least, and gets him to sit up and look at her.]

But I want... to protect you. And I-

[She looks so small and scared. He wants to reach out to her, to hold her. He wants to say never mind and just take his shoes off and get into bed, to hold her, unsleeping, while she dreams, and shush her back to sleep when the nightmares come.

But he remembers Johanna's face, dressed as a dirty street urchin with her hair up under a hat but Johanna nonetheless, and how could he not have recognized his own flesh and blood, his own eyes staring wide and scared back at him? Her voice screaming, begging as he shoved her into the chair and put a razor to her throat-

How about a shave, boy?

He looks away from Farrah, and back down at his hands, sucking in a sharp breath and holding it, to avoid letting out a sob.]

I'm an evil man, Farrah. I don't...want you to get hurt. By being around me.

[She doesn’t get a chance to be relieved by his reassurance. Instead, it plunges her into a different kind of worry. A less self-obsessed kind of worry.

He wants to protect her.

Farrah knows what he’s doing. She’s tried to do the same in her own way, the past few weeks—- the past year. Since the fall. She’d been testing people’s patience, pushing them away when they finally broke and failed, up until her death. In her new life, no one has accepted this from her. She has to return the favor.

And besides all that, she’s sincere when she reaches over, and gently sets Milky White onto his lap. When she sets a hand onto his knee immediately after.]

That’s okay. I don’t care if you’re evil. I’m a bad kid. And you still—-

You still love me.

[He was expecting her to get up. To say something furious, maybe, or tell him she hates him, call him a liar. He was even expecting her to press him with questions, curious, determined child that she is, or insist that he isn't as evil as he says.

What she does, putting Milky White in his lap and touching his knee, quietly accepting what he said without question or rebuttal, is the furthest possible thing from what he could have expected.

And it utterly unmakes him.

He covers her hand with his own. The bandage around his hand is fresh, and more meticulously applied than the one she put on him during the trial, but it's probably for the best that it isn't the same bandage.

Every time he thinks of violence his vision goes red with Lucy's blood, he feels the razor cutting into his throat like cutting a marionette's strings, but there's still a writhing, withered hatred in his heart for whoever told this child that she was bad, so many times that she believes it.

The first sob out of him is physically painful, his fingers tightening around her hand, and his voice is small, barely above a whisper.]

I don't want to hurt you. I can't-

I can't lose another daughter.

[She scoots across the edge of the bed, to close the small amount of distance between them. She doesn’t even have to think about what to say next, leaning against him, her voice equally small—- but so sure in what she speaks.]

I cant lose another dad.

I’m here.

[He doesn't have anything that he can say to that. Even if he did, he couldn't form the words.

When she presses herself against him, he thinks about the night before, when he didn't remember the full weight of damnation on his soul, and how it had almost been...easy. To fall asleep. How it was all he'd ever wanted, and even the guilt, feeling like he'd abandoned Johanna, was less.

And though I'll think of you, I guess, until the day I die,
I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by, Johanna...

He can't fully lean against Farrah, but he brings her hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to her fingers, as the sobs overtake him completely.]

[He may not be able to lean fully against her, but she tries to be solid next to him anyway. Tries to be as brave for him as she can, to do anything she can to keep him there. She doesn't dare relax, not even when he presses a kiss to her hand.]

Promise that you won't forget me
Someone has got to hold on to me

Promise that you won't forget me--
Live and let live but don't let go [She had sung the same plea last week-- and Salieri had promised. He had promised and broken the promise. And as Benji sobs next to her, she makes her own vow to herself. If he promises-- she won't let him break it.]

I wish that I could tell you the world is good,
I'd do it for you,
I'd do it for you...
I wish that I could do the things you need me to,
Because I want to...

[His voice is raw and honest, shaky and sad. She needs so much better than him. She deserves so much better than this place.

But they're here. And despite everything, they're still alive.

He lets go of her hand and moves Milky White to the bed, so he can pull one leg up onto the bed to face her better, pulling her into his arms like a child, like he'd held her during the trial, then takes her hand in his again, and his voice takes an almost lullaby quality to it, though still in agony, as he follows her melody.]

Promise that you won't forget me,
Not who I am but who you thought I was

[His thumb rubs back and forth over the back of her hand, and tears fall from his eyes.]

Promise to always remember
Life is a gift you can't let go...

[She falls into his arms so easily, despite how hard she tried to be strong just moments ago. She clings to him desperately but continues on with the song, bowing her head just slightly to try and hide the distress in her face.]

And everyone says, I'll be okay
Because I have to
Because I have to

And I just have to do what everyone wants me to
Because I have to
Because I have to hold on.

[Benjamin holds her in silence, his cheek pressed against her head, rocking gently to the melody of her singing, one arm around her shoulders and the other holding her hand.

He feels almost whole, when he sits with her like this. If he had only had a purpose like this, like her, would he have ever become a killer at all? Or could he have come back from Australia, changed, but still a loving father?

He'll never know. He knows now. He prays Johanna is happy with Anthony, that their marriage is long and blessed, and mourns that he won't be there to see it. He prays Johanna can finally feel the love that should have surrounded her her whole life.

But he has a chance to do more than pray, with Farrah.]

...You aren't a bad girl, you know. I don't want to hear you say that again.

[Farrah keeps her head down low as he speaks, but she doesn't draw back. She needs the safety of his company right now, to keep from completely falling apart.]

I am, a little bit. I drink, and skip class, and cheat on tests. They wanted to kick me off the cheer team, but my-- [She hesitates, trying to choose the word. Parents seems a little off, though they weren't the worst. Just a little... overwhelmed and distracted. So, she clarifies.] Annleigh's mom, and my dad, my dad back home-- they pay too much to the school for them to kick me off.

That sounds... like an unhappy girl.

[He holds her tighter. Sure, it's not what a girl her age would do in his time, but he's not sure it's not what one might be inclined to do.

He sniffles back the last of his tears.]

Not a bad one. Not wicked.

Did anyone ask you if you wanted to be on the "cheer team?"

[She lets go of his hand-- only briefly, to move and dig through her bag, abandoned on the floor by the bed-- and hand him one of the handkerchiefs she's kept. Despite having admitted she has no idea how the washing machine works, she's kept these meticulously cleaned and folded, like she's been scrubbing them herself in the sink.

It gives her time to think it over.]

Mmm-- I don't think so, originally. Annleigh was already on the team, and it made sense for us to be in the same after-school activities, especially once Clark started driving her everywhere. But I did like it. Even... Even after--

[While she's relinquished his hand, he takes the handkerchief and scrubs it over his cheeks, then swipes his nose with it, letting it fall to the bed next to them.]

...Even after?

[Farrah shifts again, reaching back to her bag, and retrieving the glittery phone in there.] It’s easier to show you. Here. [She holds up the tiny screen for him, and pushes the play button.

The video starts off pretty typically. It’s filmed from the stands, full of chattering teenagers. On the field, there’s a gathering of girls—- it’s a little hard to see at first, but as it zooms in, there are some familiar faces from Farrah’s motive photo. And there’s a slightly younger Farrah, hair up in a ponytail with a large bow. Things seem to be going pretty routinely—- but things go bad quickly. When some of the girls, Farrah included, are tossed into the air, the girl below Farrah missteps. And while the other girls in the air are caught, Farrah falls and lands in an awful heap—- and chaos descends. The girls on the field are screaming, but the crowd is roaring with laughter. Someone’s screaming “Oh my God, Farrah—-“, but you can barely hear it below the roar, and there’s so much panicked action on the field. Only Farrah doesn’t move—- though one of the girls does bend over her and seem to be pretty panicked.

And then the video starts again. She clicks pause.]

… Even after three million people saw that.

[Benjamin shifts as needed to accommodate her as she wiggles and reaches into her bag again, looking over her shoulder at the little device she produces.

He doesn't have time to marvel at the wonders of video - or color photography - before she gets thrown up in the air, too high. Cuddled close as they are, it's easy to feel him tense up and hold his breath even before she hits the ground. But when he hears the crowd start laughing, his blood pressure spikes, an almost tangible rise in temperature.

His bloodlust is extinguished, but for a moment it threatens to rise again, a high, tremulous violin note that vibrates, and then disappears.]

You could have been killed. And they all laughed?

[She feels him tense beside her, and wishes she still tensed before the fall. Wishes that her own fall still evoked some kind of emotion in her, other than shame. She drops the phone, abandons it, and she presses her cheek back against his chest. His rage is almost it's own kind of safety.]

It was only minor injuries. A concussion and I sprained my wrist, but-- [She extends her arm and flops her wrist around as if to show him how well it healed.] I can do cartwheels and handstands again.

But yeah. They all laughed. And when I went back to school, everyone acted like I was the one who screwed up! Kids falling down in the halls. And then-- it wasn't just at school. It was-- everywhere. At the mall, online--

Janis saw it. Connor saw it online too, but... he didn't watch. [She has to pull back her hand now, done showing its full range of motion, to wipe the tear away that has escaped.]

But I still wanted to cheer. I was good at it, even if no one else wanted me on the team anymore.

[Minor injuries, she says, but nonetheless he saw her lying there unmoving, the video cut off before she got up- How could anyone look at that and not be horrified? How could anyone watch her fall like that, lie there like a shattered porcelain doll, and laugh?

When she leans against him, he wraps both arms around her like a precious, fragile thing.]

That isn't right.

[The world, unfortunately, is not a fair one. Not in his time, and evidently not in hers.]

My God, you were flying through the air. What did they expect you to do? Land on all fours like a cat? Pull out an umbrella and float to the ground?

She was supposed to catch me. [Farrah sniffles, like that can make the tears go.] A-and I landed a lot worse than I should have, I didn’t — I hit my head, when I fell. [She had thought she was over this, but when he pulls her in, she feels like a small child, and she wants so desperately to feel safe and protected again. It’s easier to cry.]

I was better than most of those girls. But after that, I was a joke. No matter what.

[When she says she hit her head, he brings the hand on her shoulder up to cup her head protectively, as if he can shield her from the landing even now.]

Could you not change teams? Was there no adult to put a stop to the laughing?

[But of course there wasn't. Or if there was, they were incompetent.

He hugs the poor, crying girl close, presses her head to his lips.]

No one here thinks you're a joke. I certainly don't.

What other team would want me after that? The Tigers didn’t even want me, and they were the worst team ever. Seriously. [Between his comfort, and thinking of how shitty the Tigers were, she’s slowly regaining herself.]

I was in the stands
Rooting against our team
When I saw the Tigers cheer for the first time
Screaming for their team
Every move off routine
I looked around, do these people see what I see?
These Tiger girls were sub-human girls
And when they tried to fly, I knew
That I would find a way to be up there one day
'Cause in that moment,
I finally knew what I was born to do

I thought— between Annleigh and I, that we could really help the team. Instead, I fucked up. I fucked up so bad that I was the biggest joke on a team of jokes, which is probably why Riley—-

[Fuck Riley.]

Thanks for not thinking I’m a joke. Or a bad girl.

[Riley.

He doesn't think a healthy girl would kill a classmate. Not over something that seems like it should be completely inconsequential. Will it really matter, in a year? Two?

No, he's not angry with Riley. But Farrah is more than allowed to be, whether or not her being alive now was also Riley's doing.]

I could never. [He squeezes her tight in a hug.] And they're all fools, for not being able to see how special you are.

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Week Six

For Farrah; Sunday night

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