itscurtains | And you can't pull me down

[ When Peregrine can finally tend to Maya's wounds and do so without urgency, it's a bit of a strange process. It's clear from her slow and somewhat clumsy hand that despite her knowledge, the practical application is...pretty new to her. She apologizes under her breath if at any point she thinks it hurts—and it definitely does hurt. Before the whole thing begins she insists Maya take painkillers.

In the end, both recleaning and stitching Maya's self-inflicted wound and dealing with the leg wound take some time. At least this time, she's remembered to wear the gloves at the start. As she finishes, she sits back on the bed (Connor's, of course) that she pulled over to use as her counter and support. ]

So I'll need to change those each day. You cannot move around a lot, or it'll tear the stitches and...I don't think either of us want me to have to redo those. [ Internally, Peregrine thinks they probably will have to either way; she definitely didn't do as good a job of those as she could have. ] If you need help getting anywhere, you ask me or— [ ...she gives Janis a side look, Janis who is positively passed out on a bed and snoring. ] ...or whoever else is visiting you. No doing any of this on your own.

[ Despite the charged emotions of the day, many of them from her, Peregrine stays pretty calm, brief apologies aside. Perhaps surprisingly, she's got a pretty good bedside manner! Still, as she sits back, she starts to look more and more tired. ]

[Maya, at least, is a model patient. Partially because she's absolutely exhausted, partially due to the painkillers, but mostly because she doesn't want Peregrine to go through any more than she already has. Sure, it hurts like hell to do it all, even with the painkillers but not only does she deserve it, it's a small price to pay compared to what could have been.]

I understand. [Her voice is a little quiet, a little hoarse. She'd done a lot of screaming, and even more sobbing after that.] Truth be told, I... have no plans to leave the comfort of this room for some time.

[Nervously, Maya plays with the sheets of the bed. She eventually reaches over to the side of the bed, picking up the jacket and letter that... someone had probably retrieved for her.]

I wanted you to have this. Mostly as a gift to remember me by but... I think the words are important.

[ To remember me by causes her to stiffen slightly, as one of her hands unconsciously holds tight to her positively filthy cloak. She's changed out of everything else from the day, but the cloak stays with her until she can go and wash it herself, never letting it out of her sight. ]

I don't need anything to remember you by. You're right here.

[ To her credit, she only sounds...a little nervous about the alternative. ]

You're right. I'm not going anywhere.

[Like... at all. She knows that getting Peregrine to leave her side would be a difficult ask. And while she hopes her partner will take the time to care for herself, it's not something she feels like stressing either of them out over just yet.]

But originally, Janis and I had hoped that these would simply be something to wear between the three of us. A piece of all of us, no matter where we were. And the letter...

I -- still think you should read it.

[ A hazy memory rises to the forefront of her mind. ]

...That's...what you were asking me about, on Sunday. When I was... [ Doing really poorly? ] ...I didn't remember until now.

[ She sounds somewhat guilty. Still, she takes the jacket, and the letter, somewhat gingerly. She doesn't...open it yet, though. First she runs her hands over the jacket, stopping at the button and... ]

...Hah. Deer skin.

A piece of all of us. So that no matter what happened, we would never be apart. Not really.

You can... laugh at it, if you want. I sewed it together in a rush during... everything.

Never.

[ Peregrine takes Maya's hand. Her own is...still shaking a little. Stitching up your girlfriend is actually really stressful. ]

I'd much rather have you...but I love it. I just...don't really want anymore tragic keepsakes. You know?

[ The ones from Connor are enough. ]

[Maya folds both of her hands around Peregrine's own. She hates how they shake, especially knowing that it's been from her. Twice in a row now, even.]

Then take this as my solemn vow, Peregrine Wells. After this letter, there will be no more tragic keepsakes. Only living memories.

[ As Maya takes her hand, Peregrine's mind supplies a dangerous hiss. I shouldn't trust her. Maybe. Maybe that's true. But even though her heart aches, the touch still comforts her as well.

She used her. But she's still Maya. Just like Howl is (...was) still Howl.

Peregrine moves her other hand on top of Maya's. She grips them both tight. ]

You have to be telling me the truth this time. [ It's soft, dire, and almost apologetic. Almost. ] I don't— I don't know if... This was already too much.

I... was telling the truth last time. When I promised you last week that I would not go anywhere.

None of this should have happened. [Least of which not her survival but... She won't say that part aloud. That's not what anyone wants to hear.]

[ I can’t— ]

…Janis was right. This…wouldnt’t’ve happened. Even more than the others— this wouldn’ta happened without him munching around in our heads. [ … ] I… I know that, you just—

[ She holds Maya’s hands tighter, to make her own still. ]

You can’t…use me to try and die again.

I will not, my love.

[She does what she can to thumb over Peregrine's skin. It stings a little, considering the small cuts she still has on her own hands but... She tries all the same.]

Oh, girl, just stand with me
I'm forever yours, faithfully.

Edited 2021-07-14 00:06 (UTC)

[ Peregrine pulls Maya’s hands to her mouth and kisses one of her many cuts. ]

I’m still yours…

[ She can’t love Howl after what happened and hate Maya. Just like she can’t hate Howl and love Maya. It’s all so complicated…but at least this time, she has the opportunity to talk to the person who tried to leave her. She has the chance to make this right. ]

You- you said…something about a letter?

[ Her voice wavers. But she doesn’t let go of Maya’s hands. ]

That is... correct.

[Even if she doesn't want to let go of Peregrine, she wants to get this much out of the way. She reaches over and plucks the letter up. Peregrine's name is on the outside, written delicately, albeit hastily. She sets it between them, only to go back to holding her hands.]

[ Cautiously, Peregrine unwinds their hands and withdraws the letter Maya presented to her. She unfolds it.

And her eyes water again until the world burns and blurs. ]

You... You, uhh. [ She tries, fights against the lump in her throat. Until the last lines, she makes it. Cheering, even.

Your beloved.

The weight of it all presses down on her. It settles at her heart, at the matching letter in her breast pocket, where it would sit, had Janis and Hester not given her another chance to set things right. ]

...You...mean all this?

Of course I do. I would not write it or leave it with you if I did not.

[Admittedly, she glances away, abruptly self-conscious after Peregrine's reaction.]

If you feel otherwise -- that's quite alright.

Shit, Maya, you said I made you a better person, what'm I supposed to say to that?

[ It's not bad. The tone in her voice—it's overwhelmed, a little hysterical, but it's not bad.

This may have been the last thing she heard from Maya. This. After everything.

Her throat has a wet lump stuck in it. She blinks quickly, pressing the letter to her chest. ]

Of course— of course I feel— [ It's all so much. All of it. ]

It's the truth, Peregrine. You did not know who I was before here but...

[She makes a face, trying to figure out the best phrasing. It's not like she can outright say "Ask Nana."]

Some of my dear friends could tell you of what I've done. And it was worse during the revues. I was willing to give up the people I cared for, all for the sake of winning.

Okay. Okay, we've all changed here, but, I, but— but me?

[ Peregrine's aghast. Stunned. ]

Did— did you miss the part where I— the whole thing, back there in the auditorium?

[ How could she think Peregrine of all people made her a better person? ]

And did you miss everything I did back in the auditorium?

We... are not perfect. Change isn't static. We slip sometimes.

I— ...I did that 'cause I...wanted to hurt you, Maya.

And I forgive you for it. That's also part of change is... forgiveness, right?

[ In that moment, she wasn't just speaking to Maya. She's realizing...

It was Howl. It was both of them. It was the Wizard. It was Whitetail. It was everything, all the anger she'd felt built up over the last few years.

It wasn't fair, to point all of that at one person. ]

...I... I guess...it is.

[ I love you. I'm sorry. I love you—

Peregrine very carefully moves to hug Maya. ]

And you can't pull me down

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cw: assisted suicide talk?? kind of???

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