itscurtains | one thing's universal, life's no dress rehearsal

[Prom night! The greatest night of your young lives if you watch any Western high school media from the past 60 years. The looks, the music, the copious amounts of fancy snacks, the sore feet from dancing heels and then spending the rest of the night in bare feet- it’s all part of the bigger package.

The courtyard and the roof have both been decked out in a special way for tonight, despite no one really seeing Hester or anyone/anything else decorating. There are round tables set-up in both places, covered in yellow-gold tablecloths. Some of them have platters of snacks laid out on them, one has a large punch bowl that never seems to empty no matter how many drinks are taken from it.

On the roof there’s an extra table with pencils, small slips of paper, a box wrapped in gold wrapping paper and a notecard labeled Song Requests. Just write a song, pop it in the box and within a few minutes it starts playing! Weird, there doesn’t seem to be a sound system anywhere...

Red paper lanterns have been strung around the outline of the roof and between stakes in the courtyard, granting soft romantic light for a night to remember. Put on your best costume shop formal wear, get ready to lose your shoes after an hour and sneak in liquor even though most of you are of age.

After all…tonight belongs to you.]

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[Well... As she keeps talking, it keeps getting weirder and weirder that Farrah’s eavesdropping, and while the smart thing to do here would be to very stealthily bolt away, Farrah’s... Farrah.

So after a few moments, she heads over, closer to Peregrine.]

Per?

[ And Peregrine turns, startled. She'd let herself get a little too lost, hadn't she? ]

F- Farrah! Oh- shoot. I'm...sorry, I didn't know...anyone else was up here.

[ She glances back to where she was looking and— yeah. Yeah, it figures. She doesn't even get to see him walk away. ]

Sorry! [She cringes as Peregrine looks back, at that expression on her face— She can sort of piece together what probably happened there.]

I scared him off, didn’t I? I’m sorry— I didn’t mean to.

[ Peregrine quickly shakes her head. ]

No, it's— don't. He... It's not...even really him. I should just try and remember that.

...Yeah. [She wanders over to Peregrine’s side, ignoring how winded she feels from the short walk.]

It’s nice to pretend, sometimes, though— isn’t it?

[ "C-can— can you...stay with me...right now? Please?" ]

...Mm. Mmm, yeah, I— I get that. [ She almost wishes he would show up here. That she could pretend he was coming for one of those father-daughter dances she stopped getting to go to at the age of eight, but—

But no. Howl's... Howl wasn't that kind of person either. ]

It's like...like good and bad, at the same time.

[She thinks of yesterday morning. Of Salieri’s voice, singing to her.]

...Yeah. I get that. [She groans.]

Holy shit, Per, you had the right idea of it, just keeping your normal clothes on. Unzip my back, just a little, I can’t fucking breathe in this thing.

[ A smile flickers across her face, just briefly, and she moves to do just that. ]

It wasn't really a conscious choice, exactly... I sorta rolled outta bed and ran here.

You’re so lucky. I’m basically on house arrest—- getting ready was a great excuse to get the heck out of that dorm room. [Farrah makes an overly dramatic gasp of air as Per unzips her dress a little, and she moves to sit on one of the roof benches.]

Ugh. Way better. [Everything still aches, and she can’t tell if it’s fever or car accident-related. Probably the latter.] If Benj comes running up here, be sure to tell him I was good, okay?

[ Like a girl in one of those period dramas... It's almost amusing, but. Peregrine hesitates. ]

Sure. Uh... How... How're you...you know, doing? With... all that?

[ She doesn't know what to say to Farrah. To Spongebob, it'd been easy. The anger flowed out and took everything else she'd been trying to hold back with her. But, for Farrah...

Peregrine sees a lot of herself in Farrah. That's why she knows just telling her something won't work. Not with that kind of stubborn attitude. ]

Well. I’m here. [Farrah glances over at Peregrine, shrugging her shoulders.]

I’m grounded for life, I think. It wasn’t my finest hour. But it wasn’t my worst, either.

[ Peregrine fights very hard to say she's not so sure about that second one. ]

...If...you're feeling like that again...however I'm feeling, whatever I'm doing... I want you to know you can talk to me. Okay? [ ... ] I...told it to Connor, and...I'm gonna tell it to you, too.

... Thanks, Per. [Her shoulders droop— just slightly, at mention of Connor.]

I wasn’t really—- I didn’t want to talk to anyone who was going to talk me out of it.

So I manipulated a cartoon sponge man.

[ She winces. ]

You...shouldn't have done that... But he should've come to one of us, too. I think you both kinda screwed up.

Yeah. Probably. [She fidgets with her fingers, gazing down at her lap. She knows better than to mention the fact that she also peer pressured said cartoon sponge man into drinking with her to Peregrine.]

I’m sorry, Per. It would have fucked you up pretty bad if we pulled it off. I was just thinking about me. And... everyone we’ve lost.

[ There's a long, long pause, and— ]

Did, uh... Did you know I've...kinda felt like that here?

[ It's a very quiet question. ]

[Farrah’s quiet in return. A question like that deserves a little quiet. Not too long, though.]

…No. You’re so fucking tough.

Yes, actually. It... [ ... ] Last week. Before... Well, before the campout. Scared Maya pretty bad.

[ There's a wry kind of expression on her face. ]

There were...some things I started remembering. After... After Connor. That first week, I... Well, I was too focused on...on him to really let it get to me like that. But, then... [ She lets out a slow breath. ] I thought...if I loved someone, it'd be like marking them for death. So, maybe I should be dead instead.

[ This isn't...a fun conversation. Not for a prom. Not ever. But it's an important one. ]

...I...still think it, actually. Every so often, when...when everything gets too dark.

[Farrahs heart twists when Peregrine speaks. Because she knows what she’s talking about. Not just wanting to die—- but the one about loving someone. Farrah holds her hand out for Peregrine. She knows she’s tough, and might not take it. But it’s there.]

…Like you’re cursed. That somehow, you’ve caused it, even if—- if it doesn’t make sense.

Like you’ve doomed anyone you love.

[ But Peregrine does take it. Instantly, her hand grasps Farrah's. Very tightly. ]

I said that, you know. That I was a curse. It...was also after Connor. [ Her lips pull taut. ] And...before. I just...didn't remember that, until recently. But, it's been in there for awhile.

[Farrah’s a little surprised when she takes it, but she’s happy nonetheless. She squeezes her hand back.]

I can’t believe we both thought we cursed Connor. And then… Rina and Varian. And—- [Ah. This ones still fresh and raw, and her voice cracks a little—] my dads—-

[Oh. She’s crying, now.]

[ Screw just a hand. Peregrine moves to pull Farrah into a hug. ]

I know. I know, Farrah. [ Her voice cracks. The oh-so-fresh memories. Looking back at the trial now... If she knew what she knows now then, it would've broken her. She doesn't think she could've emotionally survived that. ]

one thing's universal, life's no dress rehearsal

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cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk

cw: suicide attempt talk