mayavericks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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itscurtains2021-06-19 03:52 pm
mayavericks) wrote in itscurtains2021-06-19 03:52 pm
Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?
[In a perfect world, Maya would have been able to isolate herself for the rest of the evening. It's not like her to wallow in her feelings, but it's also not like her to be trapped away in a murder school or part of an execution so... not like she has much choice there. Besides, between the influence of Janis, and the sight of her remaining dormmates, it's clear that Maya simply can't... let things go.
It's like she told the SQUIP. They look to her for hope. And so, hope she must be. It's her job to stand tall for the others. Thankfully help comes easier this time -- there's no need to scruff Discord, or try to keep Spongebob from making Hate Patties. Maybe that, in and of itself, is a good sign.
It's just another fluke. They'll be okay. They're together, after all. Even Salieri and Discord are getting along well enough to help.
Cutting potatoes proves to be an interesting task, considering the fact that most of the knives are missing. Maya has a few guesses as to how that happened, but she won't point fingers again today. She makes do with what she has -- two swords between her and Cassandra.
Potatoes, cakes, pies -- the arrangement is much the same. There's even cocoa (made by less experienced hands, unfortunately), and alcohol. It all feels like a repeat of last week, but she's trying to not think about it. She does her best to keep a smile on her face as she knocks on each door, inviting others to the cafeteria once more.]
It's like she told the SQUIP. They look to her for hope. And so, hope she must be. It's her job to stand tall for the others. Thankfully help comes easier this time -- there's no need to scruff Discord, or try to keep Spongebob from making Hate Patties. Maybe that, in and of itself, is a good sign.
It's just another fluke. They'll be okay. They're together, after all. Even Salieri and Discord are getting along well enough to help.
Cutting potatoes proves to be an interesting task, considering the fact that most of the knives are missing. Maya has a few guesses as to how that happened, but she won't point fingers again today. She makes do with what she has -- two swords between her and Cassandra.
Potatoes, cakes, pies -- the arrangement is much the same. There's even cocoa (made by less experienced hands, unfortunately), and alcohol. It all feels like a repeat of last week, but she's trying to not think about it. She does her best to keep a smile on her face as she knocks on each door, inviting others to the cafeteria once more.]
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I just noticed - I chipped my nails already. [He lets out a wet laugh.] I know that sounds dumb, but...Connor and I talked about that last night. And today was just so...
[Well. It's largely his own fault that he had such a bad time of the non-murder things. But.]
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Oh, jeez, why didn't she realize last night instead?
Peregrine quietly sits on a bench nearby. ]
Yeah. [ ... ] It was...somehow even worse than last time. Huh?
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[He pauses, sniffles, and gathers his thoughts. It's all a tangle in his head and chest, but he doesn't want to just spew out a bunch of words.]
I guess I thought, if...it happened on purpose, it might be a little easier. Not losing them, but at least the execution...they wouldn't be innocent. But it was all just worse.
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[ Peregrine shakes her head. She's a little curled in on herself. ]
It didn't. It just feels...empty. Like it was stupid to even hope it'd feel less...like this.
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[The Balladeer never minded the executions in his own show. He hadn't been happy about it, but he hadn't been upset either. Those were historical events, though; it's just not the same thing.]
The executions I've seen before weren't...it was made to be quick. Not like that. That was all just about making it suffer. It didn't have anything to do with Connor.
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[ It feels wrong. To say this about the asshole who killed Connor. But— ]
You said...the Wizard sounded like he wanted us to come together. But how can anyone want to come together...over something like this?
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[He still wants to understand what the man's goals are. He's used to treating things that way, figuring out everything about them. But maybe he was kidding himself, thinking he was getting anywhere.]
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No one deserves to be forgotten,
No one deserves to fade away.
[ It's...something Connor sang. When she was freaking out, first trial. ]
Even with what it did, and how it hid,
That bastard brought it here.
It didn't deserve to disappear.
[ It sits so uncomfortably in her—but that's why it didn't feel good. That's why nothing, at all, could possibly feel good.
Because the one ultimately responsible for all of this got away to watch and laugh at them. ]
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Even if it always was a weird and rude and kinda crappy guy,
it still mattered?
[.....]
And even if you're somebody who can't escape the feeling that the world's passed you by?
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You still matter.
[ The SQUIP didn't understand. Said he didn't "benefit" her. Connor said he wanted to have something he was passionate about, wished there was something, so still— ]
If you never get around to doing some remarkable thing,
that doesn't mean that you're not worth remembering.
And that's what everyone needs to know,
They need to know,
I wanna show them.
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No one deserves to fade away...
[The Balladeer turns his hand over, looking down at it thoughtfully, running his thumb over the tip of his blue nails.]
No one should flicker out, or have any doubt
that it matters that they are here.
[But then, that's what he's meant for, isn't it? To flicker away mid-song, and be gone?]
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To disappear...
Disappear.
[ Her hands clench on the bench. ]
When you're falling in a forest,
And there's nobody around,
And all you want is—
[ She should've found him. If she had found him... Peregrine breaks off, head hanging. ]
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[She found him, crying alone in the locker room. He ought to be there for her, too. The Balladeer sucks in a breath, assuring himself that he won't start crying again, and then moves to put a hand on her shoulder.]
Peregrine, this wasn't on you.
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[ Peregrine's shoulders shake slightly. ]
Instead I just— I just let him down. Like everyone else had.
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[But they hadn't been there, and he was found by the one person who wouldn't. The Balladeer could so easily start to blame himself - but, for once, it's counter-productive.]
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[ She can't finish that sentence. Why didn't she try and talk to him again last night? Why didn't she just sit with him? ]
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[Do you, like, want a hug?]
You're only human. You can't be everywhere all the time - people understand that. He...he knew you cared about him.
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[ God, it sounds like a hug would be perfect right now! ]
I knew how his thoughts could be, I had heard them—
I wanted to be his light!
He could just listen, or even return them,
'Cause he needed me last night...
Yes, he needed me last night...
He needed me last night...
Oh, last night...!
[ And she slumps on the bench. So close to where Connor took his last breaths. ]
If only I had known that.
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You didn't know. We - none of us did. Someone probably should've stayed back, but we didn't know.
[You could say the same for him, after all. There's no reason he couldn't have stuck around to help clean up.]
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She wishes she'd known. She wishes, somehow, there was something that she could do. ]
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This is something Peregrine doesn't know yet. Still, she appreciates his comfort, all the same. She leans into the Balladeer's side, sobbing and hugging back as tight as she can. ]
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