itscurtains | Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

[In a perfect world, Maya would have been able to isolate herself for the rest of the evening. It's not like her to wallow in her feelings, but it's also not like her to be trapped away in a murder school or part of an execution so... not like she has much choice there. Besides, between the influence of Janis, and the sight of her remaining dormmates, it's clear that Maya simply can't... let things go.

It's like she told the SQUIP. They look to her for hope. And so, hope she must be. It's her job to stand tall for the others. Thankfully help comes easier this time -- there's no need to scruff Discord, or try to keep Spongebob from making Hate Patties. Maybe that, in and of itself, is a good sign.

It's just another fluke. They'll be okay. They're together, after all. Even Salieri and Discord are getting along well enough to help.

Cutting potatoes proves to be an interesting task, considering the fact that most of the knives are missing. Maya has a few guesses as to how that happened, but she won't point fingers again today. She makes do with what she has -- two swords between her and Cassandra.

Potatoes, cakes, pies -- the arrangement is much the same. There's even cocoa (made by less experienced hands, unfortunately), and alcohol. It all feels like a repeat of last week, but she's trying to not think about it. She does her best to keep a smile on her face as she knocks on each door, inviting others to the cafeteria once more.]

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I know it wasn't right. But for all his talk of - not understanding emotions, or friendship. I think he knew more than he thought?

And now we're here. And Connor's gone. And the SQUIP is gone, and Mumble and Elisabeth are gone, and -

[ He cuts himself off, taking a shaky breath through his teeth and putting his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. ]

[ Eurydice puts her arm around his shoulder, gently rubbing his back with her free hand.

Bitterly: ]

It didn't know anything. It didn't know if that Jeremy wanted this.

[ Orpheus leans into it, closing his eyes. ]

No, he didn't. He didn't understand a lot of things. But he could've learned, could've listened, could've stood with us, instead of - of taking advantage, of what Connor was going through.

[ At that, Eurydice stops rubbing Orpheus's back, and squeezes a fistful of his shirt, abrupt and desperate. She shuts her eyes and is quiet for a long moment.

Cat got your tongue? ]

He found me in the cold. He said that there wasn't any hope. I -- I believed him.

[ Her voice shakes, and there's a thickness to it that suggests she is trying very, very hard not to cry. ]

[ Wait. Orpheus isn't always the greatest at picking up on certain things, but he notices that change in tone right away, gets the implication that they're not talking about the SQUIP anymore. He looks up, wide-eyed. ]

Who? [ He thinks of the picture Hester gave him, what feels like a lifetime ago. Who else could it be? ] Hades?

Hey, little songbird, look all around you
See how the vipers and vultures surround you?

[ Eurydice sings, slow and anguished. Then, when she speaks, it's barely above a whisper. ]

He offered me a ticket. Hades and the SQUIP...they're the same, and they're both wrong.

[ She says this like she's trying to convince herself. ]

[ Orpheus's look of horror and despair only grows deeper as she explains, and he makes an anguished choking noise. ]

No. [ he says. ] No. This is my fault. You were so busy the whole winter and I didn't - I didn't help. If you felt anywhere near that hopeless, and I didn't notice -

[ He stops himself, reaching out for her hand but pulling up short. Does he deserve to hold her, after that? After finally admitting to himself that that dream was really a memory? ]

[ Orpheus hesitates, but Eurydice takes the hand, squeezing it and letting it be her anchor. She can't lose him now. Not to this. ]

No, no -- [ Eurydice chokes up, and now, she can't stop it. She allows herself to cry, just a little. ] -- you made me the happiest I've ever been. It's not your fault, no more than what -- what happened today was. [ She tries to smile, tries to be reassuring, but it just comes out sad. ] Besides, I don't know for sure that I even boarded the train.

[ Her voice shakes. Eurydice isn't certain, but she can guess. ]

[ Orpheus will pull her into a full hug, at that, unable to restrain himself any further, and cling to her like a lifeline. ]

But I shouldn't have made you go looking for food and firewood alone, not when we knew storms were coming. I should've helped. I should've been there for you, not spending all my time writing songs.

[ Eurydice clings back, similarly desperate. ]

You couldn't have. The wind took everything we had. You were trying to fix the world.

Edited (icons.....) 2021-06-21 19:47 (UTC)

I was trying but - I wasn't fast enough to stop winter from coming too soon again. And then you and Mister Hermes tried to tell me things were getting worse, but I didn't listen, because I thought I could still - fix things, in time.

[ He shakes his head again. ]

Eurydice, you're the world to me. What does it matter if I could save it, but not you?

Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

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cw: suicide-adjacent discussion

cw: suicide-adjacent discussion

cw: suicide-adjacent discussion

cw: suicide-adjacent discussion

cw: suicide discussion

cw: suicide discussion

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