itscurtains | Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

[In a perfect world, Maya would have been able to isolate herself for the rest of the evening. It's not like her to wallow in her feelings, but it's also not like her to be trapped away in a murder school or part of an execution so... not like she has much choice there. Besides, between the influence of Janis, and the sight of her remaining dormmates, it's clear that Maya simply can't... let things go.

It's like she told the SQUIP. They look to her for hope. And so, hope she must be. It's her job to stand tall for the others. Thankfully help comes easier this time -- there's no need to scruff Discord, or try to keep Spongebob from making Hate Patties. Maybe that, in and of itself, is a good sign.

It's just another fluke. They'll be okay. They're together, after all. Even Salieri and Discord are getting along well enough to help.

Cutting potatoes proves to be an interesting task, considering the fact that most of the knives are missing. Maya has a few guesses as to how that happened, but she won't point fingers again today. She makes do with what she has -- two swords between her and Cassandra.

Potatoes, cakes, pies -- the arrangement is much the same. There's even cocoa (made by less experienced hands, unfortunately), and alcohol. It all feels like a repeat of last week, but she's trying to not think about it. She does her best to keep a smile on her face as she knocks on each door, inviting others to the cafeteria once more.]

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I mean no, I'm not surprised. I came to check on you because that's what I assumed.

[ She shrugs. ]

And I'm not here to say that's even the right or the wrong way to feel, I just... don't want you to feel like you have to be alone right now.

At my school, I am a leader both on the stage and off.

I am... not used to letting people down so wholly.

I mean... I think you're setting your expectations for yourself a little high, babe.

[ And, not even noticing she called Maya that: ]

No one's expecting you to be everywhere at once. Sometimes... shit happens, and we can't stop it. And you helped out in the trial room and set another party up - if you can't see that, let me tell you? You're not letting anyone down.

[Babe is probably just an American thing to call American friends, it's probaly nothing!]

I did not trust the SQUIP. It told me itself that it would turn against us the moment "Jeremy" was at risk. I should have kept a closer eye on him. Parties and lending a hand after the fact are nothing. Not when I could have kept Connor alive.

It-

[ Janis blinks, a little taken aback. A couple things she's been trying to push down start to bubble, somewhere inside her. ]

Nobody trusted the SQUIP, but... we all did our best.

This --

[Something dark twists within Maya's chest. It almost hurts, enough to make something in the back of her eyes burn.]

This is not Tendo Maya. This is not my best!

[ Janis swallows, Some Kind Of Feeling twisting at her. ]

Then I should have done more! I- if this is your fault, it's mine too! We all should have done more! Don't... I'm not going to let you put all of this on yourself!

[ She sniffs. ]

You shouldn't have to.

That is my duty. I am... a thoroughbred actress. I was destined for the stage, for leadership, from the moment I was born. I am at the top of the 99th class at Seisho Music Academy and --

[Maya Tendo doesn't cry. She has not cried in many years. She does not cry now, instead blinking back the tears as fiercely as she can.]

This is my duty. The expectations of my classmates, at home and here, are on my shoulders. I cannot fail.

And you're amazing! You kick ass! You're probably the coolest and most competent person I've ever met, Maya! I kind of have no idea what I did to make you like me! But...

[ Janis chews on what to say next for a moment, then: ]

Can't we be seventeen?
That's all I want for you
Even if just tonight
Remember we're kids, too

[It's been awhile since she's thought of her age. How... compared to a large bulk of the people there, she's one of the youngest. She'd thought, again and again, that she was years older than Varian. Yearbooks not withstanding, though, they're the same age.

She swallows.]

Can I be seventeen?
It seems so hard to do
But if I let you in
Maybe I could with you

[If Janis has managed to wander close enough during all of this, Maya will lay her head on her shoulder.]

[ Janis just sort of. Wraps her arms around Maya. Pulls her tighter, even closer. ]

Let us be seventeen
I think we've got the right
So what's it gonna be?
I wanna be with you

[Another time, this might feel humiliating. She doesn't like feeling small. But for right now... Right now it feels okay to tuck herself beneath Janis's chin and hold on tight.]

I wanna be with you
Tonight.

[ If two years of therapy taught her one thing, it's perspective. Like... drawing, for sure, because it was art therapy and that's what you do in art therapy, but also like. How to shift how you look at something. She's not always good at it, herself. But she gets the idea, and how it helps. She holds Maya tight against herself, swallowing back her own tears. ]

I got you, babe. I got you.

[There's a long moment of silence, interrupted only by a few wet sniffles. And then --]

You should not have to comfort me like this. Not when you're hurting too.

I mean... someone should. Comfort you, I mean. And don't worry, if we're being totally honest I'm not sure how much more not-crying I have in me at this point. We'll get to me.

[Maya sits up, just a little. Just enough to place her hands against Janis's cheeks.]

It's okay. I'm right here. We can... Do this together.

[You know. Be emotional.]

... Yeah.

[ She sniffs a little, eyes tearing up. ]

Okay.

[ Annnnd it's her turn to start crying in the dance studio. ]

There you go. It's... We will be okay.

[She presses their foreheads together. She combs her fingers through Janis's hair for good measure.]

[ Janis nods slightly, so as not to break the forehead contact. ]

Yeah. We'll...

[ She sniffs. ]

I'm gonna miss him. I'm gonna miss him a lot.

[ This is... more genuine emotion than she's let herself feel in a long time. Having multiple friends again has been nice. This... isn't. Losing them really isn't. She's going to just sort of. Hug Maya and start crying into her shoulder, if it's all the same to her. ]

Me -- Me too.

[Maya probably didn't know Connor as well as Peregrine and Janis. But he had been kind to her overall. He hadn't held the lamp incident against her, and had even given advice when it came to Claudine. And even if they hadn't been the best of friends, or even friends at all, she knew he didn't deserve this fate.

She loops an arm around Janis's shoulders and gives her a faint squeeze.]

[ Janis cries into Maya's shoulder for... probably a solid couple minutes, at least. It's... the first time she's really let herself cry in a hot while. The first case was bad, but there was nothing like this.

After a bit, though, Janis moves back, sniffling, eyes very puffy. ]

Thanks, Maya.

You don't need to thank me. It's what I am here for.

[She pauses for a moment, studying Janis's face. Before she's processed it, she lifts a hand to brush away a tear or two. You're cute when you cry -- comes to mind but. That's hardly a romantic line, especially right now, right?

So instead.]

Stay with me tonight. The dorm is... far too empty now.

Still. It's nice.

[ She sniffles, and manages a small smile. ]

What are your roommates going to think?

Salieri-sensei will manage, I am sure. And Varian-san owes me for earlier this week.

[Scaring him with that wounded hand. For shame.]

So. Will you stay?

I'll let mine know first, but... yeah, I'll crash with you. I'd like that.

[ the morning is going to be....... so normal ]

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