itscurtains | Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

[In a perfect world, Maya would have been able to isolate herself for the rest of the evening. It's not like her to wallow in her feelings, but it's also not like her to be trapped away in a murder school or part of an execution so... not like she has much choice there. Besides, between the influence of Janis, and the sight of her remaining dormmates, it's clear that Maya simply can't... let things go.

It's like she told the SQUIP. They look to her for hope. And so, hope she must be. It's her job to stand tall for the others. Thankfully help comes easier this time -- there's no need to scruff Discord, or try to keep Spongebob from making Hate Patties. Maybe that, in and of itself, is a good sign.

It's just another fluke. They'll be okay. They're together, after all. Even Salieri and Discord are getting along well enough to help.

Cutting potatoes proves to be an interesting task, considering the fact that most of the knives are missing. Maya has a few guesses as to how that happened, but she won't point fingers again today. She makes do with what she has -- two swords between her and Cassandra.

Potatoes, cakes, pies -- the arrangement is much the same. There's even cocoa (made by less experienced hands, unfortunately), and alcohol. It all feels like a repeat of last week, but she's trying to not think about it. She does her best to keep a smile on her face as she knocks on each door, inviting others to the cafeteria once more.]

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[Something about the way Spongebob barely even looks at him is so....sad??

It doesn't feel right. At all.

Varian grapples with what to do for a long moment, standing there awkwardly stuck between doing something and not. But, then...he's thinking now about all of the times he could have done more with Connor, but didn't. He doesn't want to have those same regrets anymore.

He moves forward, pushing his arms underneath Spongebob's before he can move to walk away. Hugging him.]

[Spongebob feels tears welling up again as Varian hugs him. Everyone is being so nice to him even after he failed them all. They were such good friends to him, but...

Even as his mind swims, he tightly hugs Varian back and starts crying.]

I'm so sorry.

[He doesn't specify what he's apologizing for.

There's a lot right now that he feels sorry about.]

[Varian tightens his grip on Spongebob when he starts to cry. He can't fault him for it, even if he never faulted him for all of the other times he's cried. It seems more warranted right now than ever before.]

I'm sorry too.

[He eventually murmurs, because he doesn't want to tell Spongebob it's okay when it isn't. He can't imagine how he-

...

Well, no. He does know how he feels right now.]

He...he was my friend, too.

[And honestly? He considered the SQUIP the same, even if the sentiment was never returned.]

I just... I thought if I just tried hard enough...

[The words slip out of his mouth without thinking. Distantly he realizes that Varian probably thinks that way too, so he shouldn't be ranting about this to him. It isn't fair.]

[It's okay, Spongebob. Even if he is thinking the same, he doesn't mind hearing it voiced. Especially if it's what he needs to say, right now.]

This isn't your fault. What...what Connor was going through...it's really complicated. Really sad.

[He looks off to the side, his cheek against Spongebob's shoulder.]

SQUIP took advantage of him. There's nothing any of us could have done, even if we knew...

I know but...

[He moves one arm away to wipe away the tears from his eyes.]

I thought... I thought we'd all be able to stick together.

Yeah...me too.

[But then the SQUIP had to go and fuckin' ruin the party-]

But...just because this happened doesn't mean we aren't still together. If there wasn't hope for that...then we'd be having incidents like this every day.

Y-you're right. We're still all friends here, and we're together. That's all we need to stop the Wizard.

[Varian nods, pulling back so he can look at Spongebob directly.]

Don't ever, ever forget that. No matter what happens.

Even when things seem hopeless...or unfair. The only thing we can do is keep moving.

[Spongebob gives him a small, genuine smile before pulling him back into a hug.]

I can't believe I had to be reminded of this. I should be ashamed of myself.

[Honestly, Varian is totally fine with another hug, and he'll return it readily. Tight, but not too tight.]

Everyone needs a reminder now and then. Even someone like you.

I just hope I don't need a reminder again. I don't want to forget how much you guys still mean to me. It makes things just too bleak.

It's okay even if you do need it. We all need it, from time to time.

[Varian's smile brightens, even if it's just barely.]

There's a memorial in Broadhurst for the others. Connor...he helped me make it.

If you ever make anything for them, let me know. I can put it on there for them.

[He doesn't know if a spirit can see what's on their offrenda, but...it's worth doing, he thinks.]

Oh, you are? I guess I could make some paper flowers...

[A thought crosses his mind and he pulls out an origami fish from his pocket. He smiles at it fondly as he continues.]

I could also make little origamis of the people who've died here.

I think that's a great idea, Spongebob.

[Varian's expression softens as he looks at the fish, remembering that Discord had given it to him.]

I think they'd like that.

Thanks. I know it won't bring them back but...

I agree that it would be nice to remember them like this. Remember how happy they made us.

[... Except for the SQUIP.]

[EXCEPT...FOR THE SQUIP]

Let me know if there's ever anything else you want to add, and I'll make sure it gets on there.

Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

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cw: suicide

cw: suicide

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