"A Swing and Miss Doesn't Mean it's Game Over"

[mayavericks]

[Well… All of that sure happened. And while Maya is visibly shaken Sissi's literal dance with death, she’d meant what she’d said to the others -- she would protect them. At that moment, it meant voting and making the “right” decision. Now, though? It means ensuring that no one feels alone, and that everyone has a good meal in them.

She’s not Nana Daiba, however, she certainly can’t do this alone. But she does have the resourcefulness and authoritative disposition to to recruit allies. Discord is sure to be… mostly unbothered by everything that’s happened, and Spongebob will likely be eager to help. She approaches both men: one is asked nicely; The other is grabbed by the collar and dragged from whatever hole he’s locked himself in. Sorry Discord.

For Maya's part, several potato dishes are prepared (can you tell someone has a bias). And while she doesn’t have the resources to make baumkuchen, Maya does manage to produce a cake, as well as… muffins? They’re not… quite how she remembers Nana making them, but she can at least recall how hearty the food had felt, and how it had restored her energy on long days.

It’s a pleasant memory, even if it does make her a touch melancholy.

Nevertheless, the food is laid out in the kitchen, as are a number of pies that Maya has uncovered. She even tucks a few bottles of wine in a corner for the adults that might like it. This is in addition to the mead apparently brought by Salieri. Look she’s not a fan of having alcohol but… she can’t tell the adults no.

But hey, courtesy of Benjamin, there is even some cocoa. It doesn’t start off spiked but… you know. Thanks to Spongebob there are, well… Angry Patties? It’s fine. Even Discord managed to contribute some pies and tea, as well as being bossed around to do the grunt work in the kitchen. There’s also that inexplicable pizza? Huh, that’s weird.

Eventually the group goes around extending invitations to the dorms, knocking on doors and explaining what’s been set up. No one will be forced to go, just… strongly encouraged. Maya herself will even duck into the principal’s office and, if she’s there, invite Hester.

She seemed just as upset as the rest of them.]

Comments

[violentenvies]

[After they part ways, Salieri goes with Farrah so that they can both fix their makeup, giving Varian time to do what he needs to. Eventually, however, he must return to Broadhurst before the party to retrieve some items, including a bottle of absinthe and some sparkling cider.

He pauses, briefly, as he hears the sound of sobbing--and his brow furrows, moving to push the door open. The first thing that's obvious is Varian on the floor, weeping. There's something that clenches painfully in his chest at that, and he's moving forward swiftly, crossing the room in long strides--though he slows as he gets close.

Salieri moves to kneel down next to him, reaching out to rest a hand on his back]

...Varian. [gently, to get his attention]

[alchemistake]

[It's funny in a really sad sort of way. This isn't unlike the times Salieri had come up on Varian before, either doing something in the dorm or messing around on the piano, or even to inquire about his involvement in his play. All innocuous things, at the time. This couldn't be any more different, and when Varian feels a hand on his back and hears the sound of Salieri's voice calling to him, he isn't even sure what to do at first. He can't exactly pretend he wasn't crying; to do so would not only be strange, but disrespectful to the reason he was crying in the first place.

He has never felt grief like this. Or, at least...he doesn't yet have memories of feeling it.

At the very least, he'll shift to sit up on his heels, bringing his hands up to his face as if to try to stay his tears somewhat, but it's that sort of heavy, hyperventilating crying that's going on where you've started and physically can't make yourself stop, which just makes things worse.]

M'....s-sorry- ...sorry-

[He doesn't know why he's apologizing, or even who he's apologizing to. Maybe it's for what happened, even though he couldn't have possibly had any control over it. Maybe it's something deeper than that.]

[violentenvies]

[Oh. Varian sits up, and begins apologizing, of all things--and Salieri immediately shifts to put an arm around him in a gentle but firm hold in an attempt to be grounding.

What to say? He can't tell Varian it's alright, because nothing about this situation has been alright. He doesn't even know what he's apologizing for, truly, so instead he's simply quiet for a moment, holding him as he cries, hand moving from his shoulders to rub his back in gentle circles.

Then--]

...me, too. I'm sorry, Varian.

[alchemistake]

[It isn't Varian's fault. It isn't Salieri's fault. Rightfully, none of them can blame themselves for what transpired today. If they did, they'd be condemning themselves and playing right into the Wizard's hand. Yet, in spite of knowing this logically, the guilt that Varian feels is immense. He may as well have sentenced Sissi herself, even if they were offered no choice but to do so, lest they all die with her.

And while Salieri takes Varian in his hold, Varian shifts to wrap both arms around him with his face buried into his chest, feeling awful about so many things he can't settle on which is the worst. So instead, he cries. Though he hasn't learned his lesson about bottling things up, it's at least a good sign that it's coming out now.

He won't be able to speak for a while, unable to do much but kneel there and struggle to quiet himself. He's glad that Salieri is someone he trusts and feels safe around, or else he might have just stayed in here for the rest of the night. He'll find a way to properly apologize for this outburst later, maybe, he's just...there's too much he had to bear witness to today. All of this death and talk of their own hanging in the balance has made him want nothing more than to just go home, or wake up from this nightmare already.

Eventually, he'll turn his head so it's not quite so mashed against Salieri's front, the paper he'd stabbed into the wall looming in the edge of his vision as a reminder that there's still work to be done.]

I h-hope...wherever they are...they're okay.

[violentenvies]

[Varian wraps his arms around him, and Salieri almost startles slightly at the suddenness of it. However, immediately after Salieri's wrapping both arms around Varian in turn, holding him close, his own heart feeling like it's squeezing painfully in his chest.

He feels powerless to help. Powerless to fix what has been done; to somehow shield Varian from everything he's been forced to bear witness to and participate in. To shield him from the future expectation that this place is going to heap on all of them. All Salieri can do is sit here and hold him and hope that at least he can offer some comfort.

Salieri's eyes sting again as he rests his head on top of Varian's, and he blinks his eyes rapidly against it. After all, it would be quite terrible of him to mess up the excellent job that Farrah has done helping him with his makeup, Salieri thinks, as he continues to hold Varian through his tears. His hand gently continues to rub Varian's back, trying to be as comforting as possible.

Eventually, Varian's sobs start to quiet. Then the boy turns his head a bit and says that. The stinging in Salieri's eyes that had just started to subside now returns with full force and he sucks in a hitching breath, blinking rapidly again, having to clear his throat before he replies:]

...I hope so, too. I believe so. [Salieri swallows, hard] It must be so.

[alchemistake]

[Varian is a boy of science. Of logic. Of only believing the things he sees with his own eyes, even when he lives in a world full to the brim with magic and things that could never easily be explained. Death...is a concept that he's never found himself fearful of, persay, but...there's a very sobering reality here he's having to face now that he's borne witness to it in such a direct way.

Even though he's not sure what exactly he believes in, if anything, for his sanity he has to hope they're okay...wherever they've ended up.

There's another pause, this one a bit more considerable than the last as Varian takes a moment to just breathe.]

It...it w-was just an accident, so...it won't happen again...

[He already knows that's a lie, and it's foolish to assume for sure it won't. But if he doesn't tell himself something, how will he continue on?]

[violentenvies]

[There's some trepidation that seeps in to Salieri's mind when Varian says that--but no, no. This time they will take steps. There are bigger things at stake now than his compositions; he realizes that. Perhaps, if he had listened to Mumble earlier--]

We will do everything in our power to make it so. [he swallows, at that]

[alchemistake]

[And when it inevitably happens again, Varian will once more find himself wondering...why.

Where did they go wrong?

He'll finally lean back from Salieri a little, then, using the side of his glove to wipe his face.]

I- ...I'm really sorry.

[He says it again, only this time he's more apologizing for...all of this. The crying. It isn't something Varian is known for, despite his age.]

[violentenvies]

[as soon as Varian starts wiping his face, Salieri's going to pull out one of the several handkerchiefs he's pilfered from the Costume Shop and offer it to him]

You have nothing to apologize to me for, Varian. Truly.

[alchemistake]

[Bless you Salieri...Varian takes one carefully, as if he isn't sure he's allowed to or not.

He looks at it in his hand for a long moment before actually wiping his face with it, lingering.]

It's...maybe kindof messed up, to say this, but...I'm glad you're here. N-not...that you're kidnapped like the rest of us, but....I dunno.

[He sniffs, looking off to the side where Ruddiger is starting to anxiously crawl over to them.]

I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have people like you to support me.

[violentenvies]

I don't think that's at all improper to say. [there's a gentleness in his tone, and he keeps a hand on Varian's shoulder, a tethering point of contact]

I can be incredibly grateful that I have been afforded the opportunity to have met and gotten to know you and also lament the terrible circumstances that have brought it to fruition. [he squeezes his shoulder gently]

And I am. Grateful, that is, to have met you and though the circumstance may be terrible, I'm glad if I can help you through them in any way.

[alchemistake]

[Varian...doesn't want to say it aloud, since it sounds pretty bad thinking on it? But it won't stop him from thinking it: Salieri reminds him of Quirin. But...a Quirin he wishes he was. A father who was wholly understanding and supportive, regardless of the circumstances.

Somehow, that just makes him miss his dad even more. It's very bittersweet.]

I've been...trying not to show how I've been feeling. [He admits, not just to Salieri but also to himself.] I knew that if I was scared, or panicked, or even angry...the others would pick up on that, and maybe feel that way too. And...I don't want that. They all have their own stuff to deal with.

[But it's also not...healthy. It's sort of why he just collapsed in a puddle of his own tears after escaping the trial room.]

1/2

[violentenvies]

[Salieri pauses to consider that for a moment]

I can understand the intent behind such an action. Truly. The wish to not burden anyone when they are dealing with their own difficulties.

[It's is a far better reason than "if I show any emotion, someone might use it against me" that Salieri himself has learned in Court. But this...is not Court. Perhaps the Wizard or whomever is controlling this entire circus would like it to be so, but at the end of the day, it is not. From what Salieri has seen for the most part, these are good people. People who would not use someone's emotions against them, especially those of a child. He has only been here a little less than two weeks, and yet, Salieri feels closer with these people than he does even Rosenberg or the Emperor himself and moreover, he trusts them. For better or for worse.

So...here, showing emotion is perhaps not only alright, but a far better path. It is something that, upon brief reflection, he has already been doing. He thinks of Benjamin, of their easy friendship, of how completely he trusts the man and his good heart. He thinks of Orpheus and his sweet disposition and steady, strong Eurydice who loves him (and he, her;) the Balladeer with his almost child-like openness to learn and talk; Maya, whose determination and drive guide a caring and kind heart. He thinks of Angus and Cassandra and Elle and Elsa, in whose presence and conversation he finds a surprising ease and comfort; of Spongebob, and his earnest charisma that even Salieri can't find within himself to dislike.

He thinks of the children brought here: Connor, Janis, Rina, Farrah, Peregrine and Varian, taken from their homes and yet still doing what they can to keep going. He especially thinks of Farrah and Varian; of how he feels like he wants to do whatever he can for them.

He thinks of Hester, who made him tea, and who had been so clearly upset during the trial. He even thinks of Discord, of his clear discontent at the trial--of (to Salieri's surprise) his helpfulness, his discomfort at the entire situation. Salieri would've though he would revel in this chaos; instead, though he certainly did his best to hide it, he was clearly unhappy with the situation, even speaking out with the others when the SQUIP went far too far.

Finally, he thinks of Mumble, and of Sissi. He misses them both terribly, suddenly. Mumble was such a kind, bright, positive person who had done his best to be friendly and familiar to everyone. Sissi, especially, he had felt a certain kinship towards, being of Vienna and of the Court. It hurts, now, to think especially of her. To know have put so much of his own feelings into that relationship, and now she's gone. Yet, he wouldn't trade this pain he feels now for the loss of any affection he feels towards her; that was built through all of their conversations and time spent together.

Without even realizing it, in the last two weeks he's come to care for these people far more than anyone else in the last several years back home.

This isn't home. There's no need to treat it like it is, and so...he won't]

2/2

[violentenvies]

However, Varian...I think what should perhaps consider is that there are several people here who would happily shoulder any emotion you wanted to show. They would do so without ever thinking it a burden; indeed, to be allowed to help others through their own emotional struggles is a gift, because it shows trust. Who you choose to give that trust to is, of course, a choice you have to make, however...I don't believe you need to withhold your own emotions in such a terrible situation for fear of burdening others who care about you.

Myself included.

[alchemistake]

[Varian does, in many ways, share the same sentiments that Salieri has in regards to their fellow captives...though he hesitates to even call them that. Varian time and again has referred to them as his friends. They're not simply strangers he's been forced to know through having no other choice but to be in constant contact with them. If he considered them to be a nuisance or, worse, his enemy...how would he have even survived this long?

Salieri makes an excellent point, assuring Varian that offering them the same vulnerability in return would only be natural. It's just difficult to not consider himself a burden with all of the past struggles he's had to shoulder on top of the new ones presented here.

He closes his eyes for a moment, letting the man's words sink in.]

I want to be the type of person people can rely on. ...the type they feel they can trust, too.

If I'm not open, and I keep closing myself off...I won't be able to do that, will I?

[violentenvies]

It does make it more difficult, yes. Friendship is very much a give and take mechanism.

[alchemistake]

Yeah. I guess...I'm still learning what that's like.

[Weird when you're not used to having friends!]

[violentenvies]

You have time to learn it. To see what works for you and to try again. [he squeezes Varian's shoulder again] As long as you're honest, mistakes are more than forgivable.