Love's no good but it sure beats the hurt

[madgiganticfeelings]

[That was... Christine can only call it the most horrible thing she's seen so far, with that familiar dread that says something worse may come. Four people have died. Four friends Christine had trusted in and relied upon. And four more people she cares about have turned into memories and painful reminders of her failure to do anything meaningful here.

And Christine wallows in that. God, does she wallow. But she also knows that those painful ghosts of the people she loved relied on her to keep getting back up when the world knocked her down. And she has to keep going, if only to honour there memories.

The note she slides under each person's door is very simple, the bright orange gel pen somehow seeming duller in the wake of mourning:]

Food is in the dining hall.
Please come have something, or I'll track you down in an hour and force feed you.
If there's anything at all you need, please come talk to me. We shouldn't have to suffer alone.
-Christine

[There's a few dishes Christine knows how to make: lo mein and beef stew, some simple sandwiches as well. There are almond cookies after the more filling foods are prepared.

Off to the side is a plate with a few dumplings and... what looks like mashed turnips? An odd combination, but they were Angus' favourite.

And Christine is true to her word. If you don't come in an hour, she'll find you. In fact, she makes rounds around the opera house pretty much every hour, checking each room, and... maybe singing softly to herself as she goes.]

O god,
I can't stay, I won't stay for things left unseen
I can't stay, I won't stay, this end has no means
I can't stay, I won't stay, you were just a dream
A sweet sweet dream
You were a dream
But not my dream...

[Speaking of dreams, someone should convince her to go to bed.]

Comments

[madgiganticfeelings]

[Christine slowly releases Stephen's arm, at least having the sense to look apologetic, for a moment, even if it's distant.]

Stephen?

I have a question. Do you believe in karma? In... people getting back what they put into the world?

[37773972]

[Okay, better. He tries to sort of wave an arm in an it's fine gesture, but then she asks him another question and he can't quite follow. Nonetheless?]

...yeah. And not just with how I was raised. [Jewish- though karma's not really a concept there, it's more מדה קנגד מדה]

[madgiganticfeelings]

Okay... okay.

[Christine nods slowly, and then goes back to hugging herself, in lieu of doing anything to harm Stephen.

Her eyes squeeze shut against tears for a moment, before she looks back at him, desperately searching.]

So... so how long before something good happens? I've, I've been trying for four weeks now, to only do things I thought were good, and, and I know what I did to Jeremy was a mistake, but I don't...

[Her voice cracks, and she stubbornly rubs at her eyes. No. Don't cry. She's done enough crying about her own mistakes.]

I don't think I did something bad enough to lose Riley. To lose everyone...!

[37773972]

[Oh, Christine.

Stephen raises both arms, then, moving to place one on each shoulder. Firmly, he speaks;]

This wasn't your fault. Riley...needed help we couldn't give. [Even if she HAD told them.] And Angus, and everyone else-

None of them are your fault. Say it.

[madgiganticfeelings]

Yes, it was. I was Riley's friend. She kept telling me to be open and honest, but I didn't take the time to make sure she was being honest with me. I failed her. I failed Angus. Everyone.

[Her voice is just as firm. She refuses to accept that she couldn't have done at least something better.]

Because if I hadn't failed, then bad things wouldn't keep happening. That's how karma works!

[37773972]

Did you bring us here, Christine? Did you try and manipulate people in to killing one another?

Because whoever did- that's the person at fault.

[madgiganticfeelings]

I'm... I mean, yes, but...

[How does she explain that regardless of who might have brought them here, they were brought to be tested? A test that she was failing?]

I just think I've been too focused on myself. Too focused to help anyone more.

[37773972]

Says the girl who was willing to throw her life away to help Jeremy?

[madgiganticfeelings]

Because I wanted a friend! It was a stupid, shallow reason for a stupid plan.

[Her hands curl up into fists, but at least she isn't raising them.]

You don't know me. You don't know if I'm actually good or not. For all you know, I could be like Riley!

[37773972]

No, I don't.

But I wouldn't care any less if you were.

[madgiganticfeelings]

That's... so stupid.

You're... stupid. I haven't given you a reason to care about me.

[37773972]

You've been you. That's enough.

[And this is SEPARATE from any projection or surrogate nature. Promise.]

[madgiganticfeelings]

...It hasn't ever been enough for anyone before this.

[Before she came here, she had gone her whole life without a real friend. and unfortunately she's got some news coming about someone she considered a friend