Love's no good but it sure beats the hurt

[madgiganticfeelings]

[That was... Christine can only call it the most horrible thing she's seen so far, with that familiar dread that says something worse may come. Four people have died. Four friends Christine had trusted in and relied upon. And four more people she cares about have turned into memories and painful reminders of her failure to do anything meaningful here.

And Christine wallows in that. God, does she wallow. But she also knows that those painful ghosts of the people she loved relied on her to keep getting back up when the world knocked her down. And she has to keep going, if only to honour there memories.

The note she slides under each person's door is very simple, the bright orange gel pen somehow seeming duller in the wake of mourning:]

Food is in the dining hall.
Please come have something, or I'll track you down in an hour and force feed you.
If there's anything at all you need, please come talk to me. We shouldn't have to suffer alone.
-Christine

[There's a few dishes Christine knows how to make: lo mein and beef stew, some simple sandwiches as well. There are almond cookies after the more filling foods are prepared.

Off to the side is a plate with a few dumplings and... what looks like mashed turnips? An odd combination, but they were Angus' favourite.

And Christine is true to her word. If you don't come in an hour, she'll find you. In fact, she makes rounds around the opera house pretty much every hour, checking each room, and... maybe singing softly to herself as she goes.]

O god,
I can't stay, I won't stay for things left unseen
I can't stay, I won't stay, this end has no means
I can't stay, I won't stay, you were just a dream
A sweet sweet dream
You were a dream
But not my dream...

[Speaking of dreams, someone should convince her to go to bed.]

Comments

[37773972]

[And NOW he opens his eyes, glancing towards Mephisto. After a moment;]

You weren't thinking.

[heathencall]

I am now. And the answer is still the same.

I would give myself for her, a thousand times over.

[37773972]

If it was just her...that's one thing. [And if I only could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places-] But...the rest of us, too?

[heathencall]

[A long pause.]

That was a mistake. [Another moment.] But I couldn't think of anything else to do.

[37773972]

I figured.

[...he looks back up at the sky]

...I was angry at myself for falling for it, before. I asked myself if I was so- desperate for someone to talk to, that I'd just step in to the first net I saw- even when I knew it was a net. [You know. The whole. Lie to me, thing?] And then- I told myself that it was just a deal. That I was just going to use it to do what I had to do, and I didn't care what happened, because, what, seventy years?

...I'm angry, again. But this time, for just standing by. At least you tried, Mephisto. [His voice grows bitter at the end] Fuck me for being a coward, I guess.

[heathencall]

[He'll... come back to their deal later, maybe. He has things to say but first of all -- ]

I was not aware that helping a broken, grieving child in her time of need was cowardice. [A scoff.] Or that holding back a child, keeping him from leaping into certain doom, was cowardice.

We both did what we thought was best. And -- [His voice catches.] Your method was more productive, in the end.

[37773972]

My method is playing the game. [Still bitter, but...maybe a little softer. Mephisto's right. He's right, and Stephen hates it. He wants to hate himself, but...]

...I just don't know what else to do. I don't know how I can protect them. Not when...

[...not when he has to protect them from themselves.]

[heathencall]

We... cannot give up. You saw how angry she was with me, did you not? She would have both of our heads if we did not do everything we could to spare everyone here.

[Do it for her! Do it for her!]

She's the cause, the antidote
The sinking ship that we cannot not let go
She led our way, and disappeared
But we won't just walk away and leave them here

[37773972]

[Stephen manages an aborted laugh. As Mephisto's voice begins to sing, too, so does he find his own joining;]

Light the night up, we're the guide stars
And we won't just fall away

[He raises an arm as if reaching for the sky]

'Cause I've found in them, what was lost in me
In a world so cold and empty

[heathencall]

[He tries to continue. If nothing else, the singing feels like it's getting something out. But the moment ends, and it feels like a knife, Riley's knife, is lodged in his throat. He places his hand there, rubbing at the space as if it might make it go away.

His eyes burn again. Once more he blinks it away. Something else, he needs to focus on something else.]

Our deal. What -- changed about it.

[37773972]

I could lie awake just to watch them dream
But in the dead of night, one went dark on me

[And his arm lowers back on to his chest. For a few seconds, he's quiet- and when he does speak again, his voice is rough once more.]

I could have died, yesterday. [His shoulders shake a bit.] I only didn't because you shielded me. Mephisto- why?

[And he turns to look at him. His wing.]

It wouldn't have been a murder, it'd have been a real accident. You'd have had nothing to do with it.

[heathencall]

[His throat still feels tight. He tries to speak, but nothing comes out. But that melody, despite abandoning him to his grief, flutters back for a brief second.]

I can't do this on my own
You are all I've got to guide me home

[With his uninjured arm, he reaches out. His palm is up and open, waiting for Stephen.]

[37773972]

[It is enough.

After a moment, Stephen's own arm reaches out- he can't quite grasp Mephisto's hand, not with the bandages, but he can rest his in the angel's own.]

I would lie awake just to watch you breathe
Whether day or night- please don't ever leave.

[He looks at Mephisto's face, then, voice growing stronger- not desperate, but the emotion is clear in it.]

Please don't leave.

[heathencall]

I won't.

[This much he can force out. This much he can promise, even as his throat tightens. Some sinister part of his mind remembers, taunts him with every promise he made to Riley.

But this time will be different. It has to be.]

Promise me the same.

[37773972]

I promise. I...

[His throat closes up for a moment. Once again, he forces it clear.]

...I need you, Mephisto. [No. More than that.] I- want you. To stay. That's what changed with the deal. I'd stay even if we didn't have one.

[heathencall]

[This doesn't help. The knife presses ever tighter against him. His breath catches.

Turn back. No one could blame him if he closed himself off now.]

You're a fool. [He tightens his fingers around Stephen's, not tight enough to aggravate his injuries. An assurance.] And I have never been more grateful of that.

I will be here. There. Wherever you go.

[37773972]

Aston said as much. [But he cracks a smile, pressing his hand against Mephisto's. The most he can do right now, anyway.] And you have, too.

But maybe...we can be foolish together.

[heathencall]

Stephen Browning. [He... manages a laugh, tight though it is.]

There is no maybe about it.

[37773972]

I'd like that.

[...that...is the first real smile Stephen's given for a while.]

Help me up?

[heathencall]

[And he does. He scoops Stephen up, or at least as best as he can by tucking his arm beneath Stephen's own. He guides the other man to his feet.]

Ready?

[37773972]

[Stephen probably could have managed it on his own - with effort - but having Mephisto steady him is nice. It brings them close. And?

It also gives him an opportunity to lean in, fully believing Mephisto realized that half the reason he asked in the first place was so that he could get close enough to kiss the angel. Look, after the day, he- kind of needs it.]

[heathencall]

[It's not unexpected, no. And while Mephisto isn't in the mood to drag it out... He does return the kiss for a moment. It feels better than the others they've shared.

Each one more genuine than the last.]

Come now. We both need rest.

[37773972]

[That's fine. It doesn't need to be dragged out, he just...needed that for the moment.]

Lead the way.