Love's no good but it sure beats the hurt

[madgiganticfeelings]

[That was... Christine can only call it the most horrible thing she's seen so far, with that familiar dread that says something worse may come. Four people have died. Four friends Christine had trusted in and relied upon. And four more people she cares about have turned into memories and painful reminders of her failure to do anything meaningful here.

And Christine wallows in that. God, does she wallow. But she also knows that those painful ghosts of the people she loved relied on her to keep getting back up when the world knocked her down. And she has to keep going, if only to honour there memories.

The note she slides under each person's door is very simple, the bright orange gel pen somehow seeming duller in the wake of mourning:]

Food is in the dining hall.
Please come have something, or I'll track you down in an hour and force feed you.
If there's anything at all you need, please come talk to me. We shouldn't have to suffer alone.
-Christine

[There's a few dishes Christine knows how to make: lo mein and beef stew, some simple sandwiches as well. There are almond cookies after the more filling foods are prepared.

Off to the side is a plate with a few dumplings and... what looks like mashed turnips? An odd combination, but they were Angus' favourite.

And Christine is true to her word. If you don't come in an hour, she'll find you. In fact, she makes rounds around the opera house pretty much every hour, checking each room, and... maybe singing softly to herself as she goes.]

O god,
I can't stay, I won't stay for things left unseen
I can't stay, I won't stay, this end has no means
I can't stay, I won't stay, you were just a dream
A sweet sweet dream
You were a dream
But not my dream...

[Speaking of dreams, someone should convince her to go to bed.]

Comments

[madgiganticfeelings]

You're still eating candy. As your bodyguard, I should ensure you're eating proper meals. Come on.

[She isn't giving up.]

[justmeheere]

Can - please don't. Like. Like I tell you that I'm a fuck-up who decided that yeah, brainwashing the entire school is. Is a great way to get a girl to like you! [He's stopped eating the red vine in his hands and is instead tearing it into progressively smaller pieces.] And you. You're acting like. Like everything's fine? Everything's not fine. Everything's on fire.

[madgiganticfeelings]

And what else am I supposed to do, Jeremy?

[She doesn't sound angry, like she did at the trial. Maybe just... exhausted. And hurt.]

Maybe you're used to the, the stupid, typical dude patriarchal mentality of "suck it up and pretend it never happened" but I can't do that. You know for a fact that's not the way I work.

[Her hands are kind of all over the place. Most of the time, she seems to want to reach out for Jeremy's hand before pulling away.]

I need to talk about it. About all of my feelings. And I thought that's what you liked about me, but... but maybe only because I was saying things you liked to hear.

[justmeheere]

No, that's. That's what I'm saying! You. You just keep acting like. Like we're friends? We're not. We've never been friends.

[The fact that I have the entire Dear Evan Hansen libretto memorized is coming to bite me in the ass right now. It's appropriate, though. Jeremy gestures between them.]

This was just a sad invention
It wasn't real, you know
Make believe happy
I guess I couldn't let you go
I guess I couldn't give dreams up
I guess I wanted to believe
'cause if I just believed
then I don't have to see what's really there

[He laughs, sharp and wild. Fun fact, Christine: when you met him? At play rehearsal? That was a good day. A good moment. He's not really in a good moment right now.]

No, I'd rather pretend I'm something other than
These broken parts
Pretend I'm something better than
This mess that I am
'Cause then I don't have to look at it
And no one gets to look at it
No, I don't want you to see -

[His voice cracks on the last word and he looks away from her.]

[madgiganticfeelings]

We've... never...?

[Christine can't find the words. They're failing to come out. Yes, she usually says the wrong thing, or comes up with the wrong turn of phrase, but she's not one for being completely lost for words.

But right now? She doesn't have them. She just turns away from Jeremy, bringing her knees up on her seat to hug them.

After several minutes, she laughs softly.]

I guess that would make sense. I guess... everyone has always told me I'm so pushy and needy. It would make sense that my first friend isn't even a real one.

I've been told to slam on the brake
Before I even turn the key
But I still make the mistake
And I lead in with the parts of me
Normal people would never let you see...

[She's not normal, she knows that. And she thought she'd find someone to appreciate that about her, eventually, if she just kept going. If she just kept on shining.

But the spotlight was never meant to be on her. And maybe it's time she accepted that.]