[She allows him to sit beside her, and the touch is comforting, even if Christine is tense, waiting for some sort of diapproval.
It doesn't come yet, but she knows that doesn't mean much.]
It wasn't just to help him. I... I wanted a friend, too. I felt like when we talked the first time? That was a connection I, I hadn't had before? And I wanted to find out what it was. But we came here, and he kept pushing me away, and I know it was probably to protect me, but... I wanted him back to normal. For himself, and for my own stupid idea of what he is to me.
[She's already rambling, she knows, and she hasn't gotten into the worst of it.]
We both... we both talked, and I know a lot more than I did before. Before, I was... I was working with Angus and Red. They wanted to help me help Jeremy, by making something like the Mountain Dew to turn it off. So I did have help, until... [She swallows hard around a lump in her throat.]
Angus and I tried to get Jeremy to drink what we had made, and that's when he mentioned the, the SQUIP counted. I stopped right away, I mean, I didn't want Angus to get hurt, but after that I was just... I didn't know what else to do. It was the one thing I thought I could actually fix and it wasn't going to work, and I was so scared of what, what the point of it all was? Like...
[Her voice is so uncharacteristically quiet, though still filled with far too much emotion for such a young adult.]
Like what worth am I in a world that can't even see me smile, who won't smile back? Who... h-hate me for trying to smile, because I don't have anything else to offer?
So, so when I got the soda from the merch booth... I, I thought that was what I was worth. I was worth saving Jeremy. I don't know why, but I wasn't afraid of getting caught, or punished. I had promised I'd help so many people, and I just wanted to fulfill one of those! Just one!
cw for suicidal ideation because apparently we're here now
It doesn't come yet, but she knows that doesn't mean much.]
It wasn't just to help him. I... I wanted a friend, too. I felt like when we talked the first time? That was a connection I, I hadn't had before? And I wanted to find out what it was. But we came here, and he kept pushing me away, and I know it was probably to protect me, but... I wanted him back to normal. For himself, and for my own stupid idea of what he is to me.
[She's already rambling, she knows, and she hasn't gotten into the worst of it.]
We both... we both talked, and I know a lot more than I did before. Before, I was... I was working with Angus and Red. They wanted to help me help Jeremy, by making something like the Mountain Dew to turn it off. So I did have help, until... [She swallows hard around a lump in her throat.]
Angus and I tried to get Jeremy to drink what we had made, and that's when he mentioned the, the SQUIP counted. I stopped right away, I mean, I didn't want Angus to get hurt, but after that I was just... I didn't know what else to do. It was the one thing I thought I could actually fix and it wasn't going to work, and I was so scared of what, what the point of it all was? Like...
[Her voice is so uncharacteristically quiet, though still filled with far too much emotion for such a young adult.]
Like what worth am I in a world that can't even see me smile, who won't smile back? Who... h-hate me for trying to smile, because I don't have anything else to offer?
So, so when I got the soda from the merch booth... I, I thought that was what I was worth. I was worth saving Jeremy. I don't know why, but I wasn't afraid of getting caught, or punished. I had promised I'd help so many people, and I just wanted to fulfill one of those! Just one!