itscurtains | Week Six

Entry tags:

act 3,
week 6

Week Six

[Last week, in It's Curtains, the weather changed, and with it your fortune in Dads. Discord took Salieri out - or perhaps Salieri took Discord out - and left the survivors with that much less impulse control. Nonetheless, a visit from a new friend might have provided a little bit of much-needed hope?

On Sunday morning, you'll find that the other side of the second floor has opened up - as well as the actual intended path to reach the roof garden. You can finally stop climbing up that rope every time you want to have a picnic or secret lover's rendezvous!

Outside, the weather seems to have calmed down. It's sunny again, with rather a lot of clouds. Though it's warm, the atmosphere seems very...still.]

Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday

(( Be sure to submit your memory regain and your AC for this week! As always, Hester's office hours and the merch booth remain available. ))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It stops with a hitch of breath.

Peregrine's crouched up the underside of the bleachers, in the dirt. She looks even more of a mess than on Sunday, but she may be excused for that, considering...everything. Her emergency supplies backpack's sits next to her, and one of her nice knives from her deer-skinning kit— well, that's where the clanging was coming from, she seems to be banging it against the bleacher, as if she's trying to dig with it.

That stops, of course, when she hears her name. Suddenly, she's still. Frozen there. ]

Why...are you here?

[ She doesn't sound angry. Just cautious. ]

[ Janis tries to make an aside, feels the familiar pull of soliloquy.

Apparently, hallucinations can hit there, too. She expects to see nothing - not even the audience she's so used to. That's what happened last time, when she sang about Maya. When she was falling in love with her.

This isn't falling in love. No wonder it's different.

Janis looks across the table. There's a man there. He has a microphone. She is vaguely aware, in some sort of way, that he is here to make a podcast. What did Peregrine say his name was, again? ]

She made me feel like I'm out in the woods
Out, out in the woods by the school
Peregrine was a fire
Not one made with matches
I thought she was magic
I thought she would never go out

Not that I... really felt like I did enough to help her, obviously.

[ And she's back. ]

I... I just wanted to come make sure you're okay.

[ Peregrine turns her head from what she's focused on. She's hunched over, and she's looking pale. Very pale, except for her flushed cheeks. Her usually inquisitive eyes are unfocused. ]

It's- it's a blizzard out here, 'course I'm not okay, Lexy.

[ Oh.

Well. Yeah. ]

I gotta— gotta make the shelter bigger.

[ And she's back.

"How did she look, when you saw her last?" ]

I mean— it wasn't the last... was it?

[ And the music, too, is back. ]

I sat and listened, stared at her face
I wanted to find an answer
Peregrine was a vision
How she'd... sit in her sadness
So tenderly opening scars

[ It's hard to figure out how to respond to that, but she knows she has to do something. So for now, equipped with only the knowledge that Peregrine Wells is hurt, Janis steps forward. ]

What can I do to help?

[ With quick, shallow breaths, Peregrine gestures for her to come in to a shelter that doesn't exist. She holds a shaking hand out to hand Janis one of her other knifes—the duller skinning one. ]

You don't need me to- to tell you, you're the...the reason I'm still...alive, Lex, but- but here, just...I keep...running into a rock this way, out to the right instead.

[ The "rock" is the bleachers. She's fully convinced, however, that she's out in the woods. Out in a storm. Nothing seems to shake her from that. ]

[ Janis takes the knife, unable to think of anything else to do. As much as she cares for Peregrine, she didn't train under the eye of Peter Howland. She barely knows that moss grows on the north side of trees, something she learned from a visitor placard during a family trip to the Apostle Islands in Wisconsin. She didn't even help set up the tent, a decision she never expected to come to regret.

She makes her way into the shelter, as best she can given that only Peregrine knows its dimensions. ]

Alright. What do we have, what do we need?

[ If she phrases it like a quiz, she hopes, she can get an answer without breaking the illusion. ]

[ It's probably the best thing she can do. It means Peregrine can just go into recounting mode. ]

It's cramped right now, yeah? So, right to give room for two people. Up to keep the- the bell-shape, the bell's important, so it doesn't collapse. I'll work on- on packing it, getting it firm.

[ She hesitates a second— ]

This- this is prob'ly how Eric did it. He said...d'ya hear? He found a big snow drift like this.

[ The man across the table doesn't speak, not really - he doesn't have a face, in the way that happens when you've never really met someone. She doesn't know what he sounds like, either, his words simply having been spoken when he talks.

"Why her?" ]

... What?

[ "Why Peregrine? You already had Maya." ]

That's not...

"Pain is good," she thinks,
"Hurt is real.
"To live is to feel every ache that you feel."

[ Janis snorts lightly. ]

And I wanted to sit
In the dark with her
In the dark with her
To prop up that blanket of soothing despair
In the dark with her
In the dark with her
So someone could help bear the weight of the sadness out there

[ Janis nods, trying her best to picture a snowbank, to see the shining crystals of the kind of snow they get in the Midwest proper - there's not much to be said about the dirty, slushy snows in Chicago, after all. No one has to huddle for warmth under them, desperate against the cold. ]

Yeah? No kidding.

[ She even tries her best to put on a little bit of a Minnesota accent, hoping to sell it. Her hands move, over to the right, hoping she's digging at the snow correctly, to expand the space. To give Peregrine room to breathe. ]

[ For a moment, she tenses. Like maybe the illusion (the hallucination) is broken. But then she presses against the air, packing in something only she can see. She doesn't look at Janis. ]

I...said I coulda found my way back too. But... I don't know anymore. I- I think I...needed you to-

To come and find me. [ ... ] You saved me. You saved...me and Woodsley.

What can I say? I'm good at finding you.

[ Janis chokes down a noise at the realization that whoever Lexy is, "slightly flirty" probably isn't a tone she would take. Not that she knows anything more of Peregrine's friends than she learned days ago, when they fought over the memory of Howl, whose presence looms like a shadow over this entire conversation. ]

A whole blizzard out here and I still managed.

Edited 2021-07-08 04:18 (UTC)

She thinks she has to push through the pain
Push hard through the pain 'til it breaks
And she embraces the sorrow
Holds it close for protection

[ Janis swallows hard, wondering briefly if the microphone will pick it up. ]

A girl who I wished I could save

[ "Could you?" ]

Could I what?

[ "Could you have saved her?" ]

[ It's been...a long time. She's aware that she hasn't seen Lexy in a month and a half. Aware that before that, they weren't speaking for months. She's aware, so she either doesn't notice or doesn't care about the strange inflection in "Lexy's" voice.

(Like with Howl, she's hearing what she wants to hear. What she wants to believe.) ]

A whole blizzard... How... I almost can't believe you made it. [ ... ] How'd you find the school?

[ Well. She's aware of a little, it seems. ]

... We're not at that part yet.

[ "Why do you think you're here with me? And she isn't?" ]

I... I...

"Pain is good," she thinks

[ "I know." ]

Hurt is real.
Oh, but I want to feel all of her I can feel
I want to sit
In the dark with her!
In the dark with her...
Be there to catch the tears she's never cried
In the dark with her!
In the dark with her...
If no one and nothing can break through the darkness, I'll try.

[ It's a hard cut to go from crying in soliloquy to smiling, trying to be the person she knows Peregrine wants to see right now. She can almost feel the air go colder around her. Maybe that means this is working, she thinks. She hopes. ]

Well, you know. You trek out far enough and it's hard not to see buildings like that.

...We can't get out. We've tried. I never thought...someone else could get in. Everyone keeps...dying, and...and it's weighing on us.

[ She's doing that thing. That thing where she just talks. Just talks, and talks, and talks. ]

Two of them tried to...to kill themselves yesterday? ...I yelled at one of them. I wasn't...very nice. He probably hates me. [ She's not going to tell "Lexy" it's Spongebob Squarepants. She doesn't need that. ] But I... I can't...do it anymore. I can't—

...I love these people. I can't- keep losing them, so- so if you...if you remember how you got here, Lexy, can- can you...get us out?

[ In contrast to the conversation "Lexy"— Janis and Peregrine had on Sunday, she's not hollow or dull. Not screaming. She's just whimpering under the bleachers, crying. The tears feel so hot against her cheeks, which are cold to her, feel like ice to her, despite her raging fever. It's like she's freezing and on fire at the same time. ]

[ Lexy or Janis or whoever she is to Peregrine right now, she can tell that some comfort is needed. Whatever she can give. She can apologize for not telling her later, but for now she just wants to give Peregrine something. Anything. A glimmer of hope to keep her moving.

A way to let the pain pass, instead of trying to push through. She sets a hand on Peregrine's shoulder. ]

I'll find a way.

[ It's not a lie, if she can figure out a way to overthrow the Wizard. And she knows it's selfish, but... ]

They mean a lot to you, huh?

There is something so pure in how she sees the world
Like in darkness she'll find a reprieve
Like if she sees the light she's giving up the fight
And I fucked this up, time to be a grown-up and believe

[ "Believe in what, Janis?" ]

I believe!
In the light!
In the light...
Bound in a blanket of her own despair
In the light with her
In the light with her
No one and nothing can break through!
No one and nothing can break through the darkness in there
No there's no one can break through...!

[ There's a long pause. The man across the table doesn't say anything. He just watches. ]

If I can't break through, I'm going to pull her out.

[ "Is that going to be enough?" ]

It's going to have to be. I'm the one who pushed her in, after all.

Edited 2021-07-08 05:59 (UTC)

[ Oblivious to Janis's soliloquy, Peregrine just nods. She leans against the other girl. ]

I... I woulda kept making the same mistakes I made when...when I pushed you away, if I didn't have them. I love them...and they love me.

[ She shivers. In the dirt, in the snow, wherever she is. ]

I'm scared...that'll doom them. I can't be alone again, Lexy.

[ Janis puts an arm around Peregrine's shoulders, eager to offer her any warmth she can spare. She even pulls her own jacket a little tighter, playing into the illusion as best she can. She's sweating now, a little, but it hardly bothers her. ]

I bet they're not about to leave you.

You don't know that. [ ... ] I didn't think...Howl would...

[ Oh, she's gonna start crying again. Even though she leans into the comforting touch. It's all so heavy, so much. ]

[ She wants to say something, but Janis bites her tongue. It's not what Peregrine needs to hear right now. Instead, she just holds her tighter. ]

I know. I'm sorry.

I keep seeing him.

[ She whispers it softly. It's softer than Peregrine usually is. It makes her sound younger than she is. ]

Why couldn't...he have just been happy with us? We could've... We could've...helped each other. We could've...found relief.

In a clearing,
In a clearing,
In a...break from the trees...
In...the arms of...someone...

In a...clearing,
In...a clearing,
You can feel...a little touch...

[ But, Peregrine can't continue whatever she's getting at. Because, in Janis's arms, she passes out. ]

Week Six

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cw: suicide talk

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