[ Her insides feel hollowed out. Like she's a deep, black pit, like she's falling into the abyss. By this point, it's been weeks and weeks since Peregrine last saw Howl. When she thought, innocuously, that she'd make it back out of the woods and see him when she got home. Maybe she'd convince him to come to one of the big celebrations their families were going to throw. Maybe she could get him to come over for a homecooked dinner from her mom. Maybe, just maybe, she could finally start to heal from Jacob and build a new family.
It's just like Jacob. She saw him off and figured he'd be home, passed out on a Sunday in his room, exhausted from a night of heavy partying. But the next morning, his room was empty. No one knew where Jacob was, and Peregrine spent the next several days categorizing everything she knew about him. They had to find him, she knew—but in case they didn't. She forced herself to remember everything from the day before, in case it was the last day she'd ever see her brother.
So now, when she woke up and the metaphorical bedroom's been cold for more than a month, as she desperately claws at the scraps of that memory, faded from the crisp, crystal clarity of a yesterday's recollection. What did he say? Every word, every sigh. What did he do? Every little twitch, every step through the snow. Why can't she engrave it all? Why can't she even get to hold her last moments with him in her heart, forever?
She's stopped bothering to be quiet. Peregrine sobs into her pillow. She curls into a ball. ]
I can't...! [ She trembles under the blankets. ] I ca- can't do this...anymore...
no subject
It's just like Jacob. She saw him off and figured he'd be home, passed out on a Sunday in his room, exhausted from a night of heavy partying. But the next morning, his room was empty. No one knew where Jacob was, and Peregrine spent the next several days categorizing everything she knew about him. They had to find him, she knew—but in case they didn't. She forced herself to remember everything from the day before, in case it was the last day she'd ever see her brother.
So now, when she woke up and the metaphorical bedroom's been cold for more than a month, as she desperately claws at the scraps of that memory, faded from the crisp, crystal clarity of a yesterday's recollection. What did he say? Every word, every sigh. What did he do? Every little twitch, every step through the snow. Why can't she engrave it all? Why can't she even get to hold her last moments with him in her heart, forever?
She's stopped bothering to be quiet. Peregrine sobs into her pillow. She curls into a ball. ]
I can't...! [ She trembles under the blankets. ] I ca- can't do this...anymore...