I can't even explain the way I normally would-- which is Toddlers & Tiaras.

It's like a contest where a bunch of girls put on super extra outfits and perform their talents on stage and try and look really pretty in a bunch of makeup so that judges will give them sashes and crowns and trophies and call them shit like Miss Tween Upstate New York.

Wasn' very good at them, though, and mom finally gave up when she realized I wasn't destined to be child pageant royalty.