So once upon a time, in Kansas during like... the thirties, there was a girl named Dorothy. I think it's supposed to be dust bowl times? I don't know, anyway. Her house gets sucked up in a tornado, and she goes to this magical place called Oz! Suddenly everything is colorful and fun and there's a bunch of Munchkins, a magical race of short people who super didn't age well!
And this witch, Glinda - she's a good witch, you can tell because she's, like, pink and pretty - tells her that her house killed a bad witch, which is fine because bad witches suck, and says to go follow this road to meet the Wizard of Oz so she can go home! And on the way she meets uh... a scarecrow, a tin man, and a lion, but they're all like. Dudes. They can talk. And sing, too! They get laid out in a poppy field for like a hot second - or maybe that happens later?
So they meet the Wizard and he's this big head on the wall and he says "go... kill the other bad witch while you're here" because I guess just killing one isn't enough? Ungrateful jerk. Stupid...... green. Green man.
[ And, swinging back onto track: ]
Anyway, they go there and Dorothy stone cold kills her, except it's on accident again - she's like so evil and ugly or whatever that water kills her. She melts, Dorothy learns that the Wizard is a hack, and the good witch lets her know that she could have gone home the whole time with the shoes she inherited from the first evil witch she accidentally killed! Then she wakes up and it was all a dream, which is stupid so we ignore it. The end.
[ a beat. ]
Oh shit and she had a dog, too. Fuck. Like it doesn't matter to the story, but he's cute and I feel bad ignoring him.
no subject
[ Janis collects herself. ]
So once upon a time, in Kansas during like... the thirties, there was a girl named Dorothy. I think it's supposed to be dust bowl times? I don't know, anyway. Her house gets sucked up in a tornado, and she goes to this magical place called Oz! Suddenly everything is colorful and fun and there's a bunch of Munchkins, a magical race of short people who super didn't age well!
And this witch, Glinda - she's a good witch, you can tell because she's, like, pink and pretty - tells her that her house killed a bad witch, which is fine because bad witches suck, and says to go follow this road to meet the Wizard of Oz so she can go home! And on the way she meets uh... a scarecrow, a tin man, and a lion, but they're all like. Dudes. They can talk. And sing, too! They get laid out in a poppy field for like a hot second - or maybe that happens later?
So they meet the Wizard and he's this big head on the wall and he says "go... kill the other bad witch while you're here" because I guess just killing one isn't enough? Ungrateful jerk. Stupid...... green. Green man.
[ And, swinging back onto track: ]
Anyway, they go there and Dorothy stone cold kills her, except it's on accident again - she's like so evil and ugly or whatever that water kills her. She melts, Dorothy learns that the Wizard is a hack, and the good witch lets her know that she could have gone home the whole time with the shoes she inherited from the first evil witch she accidentally killed! Then she wakes up and it was all a dream, which is stupid so we ignore it. The end.
[ a beat. ]
Oh shit and she had a dog, too. Fuck. Like it doesn't matter to the story, but he's cute and I feel bad ignoring him.