Is This Where You Wanna Be? Crawling On Your Hands and Knees?

[mayavericks]

[In a perfect world, Maya would have been able to isolate herself for the rest of the evening. It's not like her to wallow in her feelings, but it's also not like her to be trapped away in a murder school or part of an execution so... not like she has much choice there. Besides, between the influence of Janis, and the sight of her remaining dormmates, it's clear that Maya simply can't... let things go.

It's like she told the SQUIP. They look to her for hope. And so, hope she must be. It's her job to stand tall for the others. Thankfully help comes easier this time -- there's no need to scruff Discord, or try to keep Spongebob from making Hate Patties. Maybe that, in and of itself, is a good sign.

It's just another fluke. They'll be okay. They're together, after all. Even Salieri and Discord are getting along well enough to help.

Cutting potatoes proves to be an interesting task, considering the fact that most of the knives are missing. Maya has a few guesses as to how that happened, but she won't point fingers again today. She makes do with what she has -- two swords between her and Cassandra.

Potatoes, cakes, pies -- the arrangement is much the same. There's even cocoa (made by less experienced hands, unfortunately), and alcohol. It all feels like a repeat of last week, but she's trying to not think about it. She does her best to keep a smile on her face as she knocks on each door, inviting others to the cafeteria once more.]

Comments

[mayavericks]

[While Maya can't speak for Varian, what she forms herself comes out a little like this. Melancholy, certainly, but perhaps with a hint of hope. Maybe it's forced, but... She has to see the silver lining somehow. She has to maintain hope somehow.]

STOP IM ALREADY DEAD

[alchemistake]

[The melody is much nicer than the haphazard plinking he was doing, and somehow- via the powers of this awful place- he's able to pick the melody up and actually play it properly.

He can feel his eyes burning again, but he doesn't cry.]

This is a lot prettier than what I was doing...huh?

:)

[mayavericks]

What are you talking about, Varian?

[She glances toward him, smiling with only half of her mouth. It doesn't quite seem to reach her eyes.]

This would not have began without you. I would not be here if not for you. You made this happen, just as much as I did.

[alchemistake]

[Varian's brows relax, raising a little from the way they'd been furrowed. He's still looking at his hands as they move across the keys, like they're moving with a mind of their own as his thoughts are off someplace much further away.]

Yeah, I....I guess you're right.

[He closes his eyes for a moment, the swell of the music making his chest hurt.]

I thought, maybe...coming in here would help me feel better.

[mayavericks]

I thought so as well.

[But even with the small bit of hope she tries to inject into their music, her chest still aches.]

I thought there would be satisfaction in seeing the SQUIP brought to justice. But all I can think about is what we have lost.

[alchemistake]

[What we have lost...

Varian's head hangs, just slightly.]

I knew the SQUIP wasn't...a person. That they were just following the way they were made to react to things. But I still felt like, you know, maybe...

[...]

Maybe that didn't matter, I thought. But I was wrong.

[mayavericks]

Whether or not it was a person never mattered. It was... the fact that they were so vehemently opposed to us. Opposed to what we felt.

They made me angry. I... don't get angry often.

[alchemistake]

Yeah...me too.

[He had been watching how Maya grilled the SQUIP during the trial. Turns out she was absolutely correct in her suspicion.]

For Connor's sake, I...really hope he wasn't aware of what was going on.

[mayavericks]

I hope so too. I did not know him as well as many of the others but. He was kind to me.

He did my nails, you know. [She lifts her hands, admiring them for just a moment.] And earlier in the week, he gave me advice about... a girl I know.

[alchemistake]

He was kind to me, too. I saw him painting peoples' nails, at the party...it looked like a lot of fun.

[This is what Connor talked to him about, right? Celebrating the life of the dead. Mourning them by remembering them as they were...]

He was a genuinely good person...even if he didn't think so sometimes.

[mayavericks]

He deserved better than any of this. Most of us do, in fact.

[She breathes out.]

I think I must have annoyed him. He was trying to help me with romance. He made it all seem so... obvious.

[alchemistake]

[....oh no, Connor...]

Romance, huh? I can't say I know much about that, myself.

[He's 14 16 and only just recently held a girl's hand, it's fine.]

It comes easier to some people than others. The fact he was trying to help you at all meant he thought you could figure it out.

[mayavericks]

Maybe. Maybe not. I did try to argue that... having multiple photos of the same girl on your phone was entirely normal.

[It all seems so silly in retrospect. Silly and sad.]

I just realized this convo is gonna be the start of Varian realizing what it means to be gay

[alchemistake]

[...]

That...really does sound like whoever it was liked you a lot.

congrats varian, you've unlocked "bi awakening"

[mayavericks]

Maybe she did.

[She shakes her head.]

It's all the more reason to hurry out of here. So I can ask her myself.

varian to himself: I can.....like boys???

[alchemistake]

[Hm.

H m.

Interesting...]

You got that right.

[He manages a smile, even if it's just a little forced. The melody they're still gently playing sounds...a lot more hopeful now, somehow.]

For what it's worth...I think anyone who can have you as a friend is in a pretty good position.

[mayavericks]

[At that, her expression falls, just a little.]

I hope that is true. I... have been failing to protect what matters to me, of late.

[alchemistake]

I know how you feel. ...but the onus to protect isn't entirely on you. It's on all of us, working together to look out for each other.

[He glances over at the door to the music room, just briefly.]

Overall...I think we want what's best for everyone, even if there have been accidents...or a bad apple in the bunch.

[mayavericks]

A bad apple... Isn't the best metaphor.

[But she shakes her head, not the point.]

I am very used to being on my own. Protecting others, as well as myself. It is... difficult for me to remember that I can turn to others.

[alchemistake]

[YEAH IT ISN'T...he sort of regrets it as soon as the word left his mouth, but too late for that now.]

I can imagine. Even since the first day we were here...you settled into being a leader really well.

[mayavericks]

Would you believe it wasn't intentional? With as many adults here as there are, it would have been best to leave it to them. But... [She shrugs.]

You and Rina-chan, Janis and Peregrine, even Connor... You are all very much like the people I am going to school with. Being "Maya-sama" to them was as easy as breathing, so... It simply felt right here as well.

[alchemistake]

Honestly...that doesn't surprise me, when you put it like that.

[...]

What does, uh...-sama mean, though?

[mayavericks]

Oh. [She perks up, just a little. Talking about familiar things is good!]

It is a term of respect. While -san is used amongst peers, -sama is used to imply superiority. A worker might refer to a customer with such an honorific. In my case, though, it was used to imply admiration, as well.

[alchemistake]

Riight right, that makes sense. So it's sort of like using Mister or Misses, but...even more formal than that.

[mayavericks]

Exactly. Sort of like uses Madame instead of Misses. Maybe a little out of place in casual conversation amidst peers but... Not when you are trying to communicate with someone of a higher position.

Teachers, of course, are referred to as Sensei. That is why you might hear me speaking of Salieri-sensei. There are other forms, too but... Those seem the most important and relevant.