[It takes a bit for her to really...be able to speak properly. She's crying, still, but at this point, there's precious little left to spill on her part. Likely, it was just as well.
Finally, she gathers her strength, standing up in Salieri's arms while she stands at her podium as tall and as straight as she can. Even as her eyes still yet look distant and terrified.
Her voice doesn't do much to inspire courage, either, for it trembles, even as she sings.]
...♪I want to go home Take off this uniform and leave the show And I'm standing here right now because I have to know
Have I been guilty all this time...? ♪
...
I couldn't sleep last night.
[She looks down at her podium.]
I brought the photo with me, and...I decided to finally look at it. Everyone else had, by that point. What I saw was...three. Three coffins, inside a crypt, with these...cards...beneath each one. One, my husband's. "Kaiser Franz Joseph, 1830-1916. Died of pneumonia". There was mine-"Empress Elisabeth, 1837-1898. Assassinated by anarchist Luigi Lucheni in Geneva, Switzerland.". And then--and...then.
[Her hands come together, as if holding the photo at that moment. She's not, of course.]
"Kronprinz Rudolf. 1858-1889. Killed his mistress, and then...himself. At Mayerling Hunting Lodge, after an argument with his parents."
[Her hands shake.]
"This death, and the resulting political changes in succession, are believed to be among the causes...that helped to lead Europe to a half-century of war and political upheaval."
An argument...with my son...a man I...I've never met...and yet...could it be? Am I really what he said? Was I really what began the doom of the Hapsburgs? And...even of Europe?
[Her hands fell.]
I didn't sleep. I was...tempted. To kill. But I couldn't. In the end...what would the use be? Someone here would lose their lives...and I...and I see people from the future here. That they're here, and telling me such things about what happened...but...they're not angry or sad, it's just...their lives! How could I be selfish to think saving my son from mortal sin would...make things right?
That's not what an empress...no. That's not what I would do. No matter how painful it would be to know how my son died, it's not worth taking another life to change what Death has wrought.
And...when I realized that, I felt...better. Like a weight was off my shoulders. I went to burn the photo with a song in my heart, and...I danced, like I never danced before! I went everywhere...but...
[She falters a bit.]
As I was setting the photo alight... I saw that the freezer door was open. I thought I'd...closed it after I'd gotten my ice cream!...so...I went over, and...made sure it was closed, properly......before I left...with what was left of the burning photo in my hand...
[She stops, for now, closing her eyes as she wipes them.]
...Paved With Good Intentions cw: reference to historical suicide
Finally, she gathers her strength, standing up in Salieri's arms while she stands at her podium as tall and as straight as she can. Even as her eyes still yet look distant and terrified.
Her voice doesn't do much to inspire courage, either, for it trembles, even as she sings.]
Take off this uniform and leave the show
And I'm standing here right now because I have to know
Have I been guilty all this time...? ♪
...
I couldn't sleep last night.
[She looks down at her podium.]
I brought the photo with me, and...I decided to finally look at it. Everyone else had, by that point. What I saw was...three. Three coffins, inside a crypt, with these...cards...beneath each one. One, my husband's. "Kaiser Franz Joseph, 1830-1916. Died of pneumonia". There was mine-"Empress Elisabeth, 1837-1898. Assassinated by anarchist Luigi Lucheni in Geneva, Switzerland.". And then--and...then.
[Her hands come together, as if holding the photo at that moment. She's not, of course.]
"Kronprinz Rudolf. 1858-1889. Killed his mistress, and then...himself. At Mayerling Hunting Lodge, after an argument with his parents."
[Her hands shake.]
"This death, and the resulting political changes in succession, are believed to be among the causes...that helped to lead Europe to a half-century of war and political upheaval."
An argument...with my son...a man I...I've never met...and yet...could it be? Am I really what he said? Was I really what began the doom of the Hapsburgs? And...even of Europe?
[Her hands fell.]
I didn't sleep. I was...tempted. To kill. But I couldn't. In the end...what would the use be? Someone here would lose their lives...and I...and I see people from the future here. That they're here, and telling me such things about what happened...but...they're not angry or sad, it's just...their lives! How could I be selfish to think saving my son from mortal sin would...make things right?
That's not what an empress...no. That's not what I would do. No matter how painful it would be to know how my son died, it's not worth taking another life to change what Death has wrought.
And...when I realized that, I felt...better. Like a weight was off my shoulders. I went to burn the photo with a song in my heart, and...I danced, like I never danced before! I went everywhere...but...
[She falters a bit.]
As I was setting the photo alight... I saw that the freezer door was open. I thought I'd...closed it after I'd gotten my ice cream!...so...I went over, and...made sure it was closed, properly......before I left...with what was left of the burning photo in my hand...
[She stops, for now, closing her eyes as she wipes them.]
I didn't know anyone might have been in there...